“Be to me what You are, Father!”

I read this quote this morning from the book, “The Satisfied Heart”, by Ruth Meyers:
“To really know God means that we see what He wants to be in relationship to us and then, more and more in the experiences of daily life, let Him be that to us–count on Him to be that.
I have found Psalm 31 to be very helpful in this.  In verse 2 David prays, “Be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me”.  Then in verse 3 he says, “Since you are my rock and my fortress….”  At first I thought this sounded like double-talk: Be to me a rock because You are my rock.  Then I realized that David is saying, ‘I have chosen You to be my rock: now be that for me in my situation right now.  Be to me now what You are.  Isn’t that great?
Be to me what You are, You are my best love–be that to me now, for I need that today.  You are the water of life–be that to me at this time, because my soul is thirsty.”
My prayer:
Yes, Father–be to me what You are…
My Abba-Father–my Daddy who couldn’t love me more than You already do.  I love, love, LOVE being Your daughter!
My refuge, my fortress, my deliverer, my strength, my all in all
My Great Physician, my healer, my protector, the lover of my soul
My Living water, my bread of Life
My salvation, my forgiver, my intercessor, my cleanser of all unrighteousness
My life
My fount of every blessing, bind my wandering heart to Thee…
My source, my hope, my peace, my joy, my Savior
My inheritance, my provider
My giver of every good thing
My strong tower of safety
My contentment and satisfaction
My giver of all wisdom
My quencher of every thirst I’ll ever have
My counselor and friend
My sun and shield
My redeemer
My king
My creator
My good shepherd
My Bridegroom
My ever-present help in time of trouble
My beloved
My everything!
Lord, every good gift comes from You.
 (From James 1:7)   One Thousand Gifts   http://www.aholyexperience.com/
206. I can say with great hope and expectation: “Father, be to me what You are!”
Holding onto His Hand real tight,

Lam 3: 21-24

Lamentations 3:21-24

King James Version (KJV)

 21This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.

 22It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

 23They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

 24The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.


I took the New Living Translation, Amplified Bible , and the Good News Translation, put them together a la Paula to personalize it for me and got this:

 I, Paula recall and mull over in my mind the reason I can have the peace of such a solid hope and expectation. It comes straight from God’s Hand and is based on His character and attributes.  It is because of the Lord’s mercy, kindness, and His great love that I am not consumed and I can have confidence and courage.  His tender compassions never let me down, not ever.  The Lord’s unfailing love, faithfulness, and mercy forevermore continue.  They are brand new and fresh as the morning, as sure as the sunrise.  Great and abundant are Your stability and faithfulness, Lord!   I continually remind myself that the Lord is my portion, my share, my inheritance  therefore I will hope in Him and wait expectantly for Him.
Lord, every good gift comes from You.
 (From James 1:7)   One Thousand Gifts   http://www.aholyexperience.com/
194. The treat of being able to stop by and chat and pray with Deb after my appointments in Oveido yesterday
195. Seeing the excitement of Joy and Hannah with their fun classes of the mission school: art, photography, and P.E.
196. Listening to and pondering the beautiful truths on the Scripture Meditations CD that Sonia gave me: such encouragement!
197. Kathy’s safety and her home in Vermont spared from Hurricane Irene in the midst of devastation all around her
198. The blessed relief of more sleep at night and naps during the day
199. Praise you Lord for the truth of Lam 3:21-24: fresh mercies every day, Your compassion, faithfulness, unfailing love that will never let me go.  I will hope and wait expectedly on YOU!
200. God’s provision through Dave and Diane of being able to borrow a dehumidifier for Betsy’s visit here the end of next month to make her breathing easier
201.  The sacrificial love of a sister willing to receive extra allergy shots, etc and bless us with a week of her presence and help in the midst of her busy schedule and known difficulty with respiratory allergies in FL
201. A beautiful bird of paradise flower from Rachelle this morning.  Who would have known that our brief visit with her while we were sporting our “Hillbilly teeth” made of the white side of orange peels  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ecu1SWO0IM would have resulted in her praying for me daily?  God knew she’d be babysitting for friends when we knocked on that door to smile at our neighbors. 🙂
202.  Sue’s radiant eyes and smile shining for Jesus
203. Rhoda passing along the 4 “Moments with Jesus” books to me: I can hardly wait to read them!
204. It was such a  pleasure to have my Gerson Gal buddy Esther over for lunch on Saturday and have that precious fellowship
205.  I have felt much healthier, stronger, and encouraged in the Lord the last few days
God is SHOWERING me with good gifts and holding me close with His loving presence and care!  THANK YOU Father!  Thank You friends and family and dear folks I haven’t even met in person for being His Hands and Feet and Mouthpiece!

Phil 3:8

“He brought me here. It is by His will I am in this strait place. In that I will rest.

He will keep me here in His love and give me grace in this trial to behave as His child.

He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends me to learn and working in me the grace He means to bestow.

In His good time He can bring me out again – how and when He knows.”

–Andrew Murray
“My goal is God Himself
Not peace or joy
Or even blessing,
But God Himself, my God.
‘Tis His to lead me there–
Not mine, but His.
At any cost, dear Lord,
By any road.”
“Each loss is truest gain, if day by day, He fills the place of all He takes away”



Philippians 3:8

Amplified Bible (AMP)

8Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly]. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish (refuse, dregs), in order that I may win (gain) Christ (the Anointed One).


Philippians 3:8

New King James Version (NKJV)

8 Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ


Philippians 3:8

New Living Translation (NLT)

8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ


Philippians 3:8

New International Version (NIV)

8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ



Personalizing 3:8 for me:

There are many things I have held as precious and dear, such as being in excellent health;  free of cancer, disease, and pain, and my personal belief system of the best way to achieve that through prevention using natural resources.  I assumed I would happily and healthfully live to a ripe old age and forgot to count many, many blessings and took them for granted until they were taken away from me.  I am learning day by day, that compared to knowing Jesus Christ my Savior, all these are totally insignificant.  The very most important thing in all of life is to Know and love Him more and more as He really is.



Lord, every good gift comes from You.
 (From James 1:7)
190. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God
191. The truth that each and every loss I experience is truest gain, because day by day, He fills the place of all He takes away, plus more.  Hooray for Phil 3:8!
192. Every single trial I face is Divinely Hand picked or allowed or orchestrated for me.  I am not sure how all that works but it is meant for His glory and honor and my good as I walk closely with Him, surrendering to His will
193. John and Joy shopping for school supplies and getting good deals that we can share
So grateful to be His lamb,

Psalm 46:10

It’s been pretty rough after chemo but God is helping me through and I can tell that, as of now (5:39 AM),  so far today is a better day.   Thank You, Lord for Your abundant blessings.  🙂

Psalm 46:10 is the verse I am mulling over this week:

“Be still and know that I am God.”



Rev 21:4

This is the verse I am meditating on this morning.  I just wrote it out and am going to memorize it:
Revelation 21:4

New Living Translation (NLT)

4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”


Positive “Self Talk”:
“I will live a hope-filled life every day.  I will handle my problems as opportunities in a different, more effective manner, based on the power of advanced mathematics; “You + God = Enough”
–Zig Ziglar
Lord, every good gift comes from You.
 (From James 1:7)
183. Chemo #4 out of planned 6 went smoothly yesterday.  2/3rds done, 1/3 more to go on this part!
184. God’s grace is sufficient for all I face today and every day
185. High School homeschool Christian debate and speech club opportunity for Nicholas and Joy–looks excellent
186. I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength (Gal 2:20)
187. Shirley’s kindness and helpfulness on the phone the other night, sharing her experience and giving input on my treatment plan
188. I’m so glad that God thought up and provided fruit!  It’s a delicious,naturally sweet, guilt-free healthy treat and I enjoy it very much. 🙂
189. Feels great to be back on track of my norm of no junk in my diet again and doing the things I can do to take the best care of myself that I can in the circumstances God has allowed ON PURPOSE.
Hanging on tight to His hand,

Chemo Day: Please Pray! :)

Personalizing Deut 31:6 for me from a whole bunch of various Scripture translations quoted: ” Be strong and courageous, Paula!   Do not be afraid or terrified because of ANYTHING going on right now–NOT ONE SINGLE THING happening in your life , for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you or your dear family.  Be fearless! Don’t be scared or worry or fret about cancer or the treatment of cancer because the LORD your God is the one who marches with you. He won’t let you or your family down, and he won’t abandon you guys.  Be brave and strong! Don’t be afraid of the known and unknown side effects of the chemo (not the ones you are having, the ones you might have, or the ones you will never have), or be anxious about any of those many other drugs the doctors have prescribed in the past, those you are taking now or those you will take in the future. Worry is a big waste of time, God has MUCH better for you as His beloved daughter.  You can rest easy about the upcoming year of IV Herceptin every 21 days , the radiation, and every other challenge ahead of you. The LORD your God will always be at your side, and he will never abandon you. Don’t tremble! Don’t be overwhelmed or disheartened because of the constant invisible inflated BP cuff/tourniquet sensation on your arm that’s been with you 24/7 since your mastectomy in May that no measures have relieved thusfar.   The Lord your God is the one who is going with you. He won’t abandon you or leave you.  Remember every minute of every day that God gives you to be strong in the strength of the LORD. Take courage, Paula! Don’t be intimidated by any of this medical stuff or the doctors. Don’t give any one of Satan’s fiery darts of fear, or discouragement, or doubt, or despair a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you: no Sir-ee!  REMEMBER!   Be strong, courageous, and firm; fear NOTHING for it is the Lord your God Who goes with you; He will not fail you or forsake you. Do ye as a  daughter of God who is snuggling up in His love and resting in Him , and be ye comforted (Be ye strong, and be ye encouraged); do not ye dread in heart, neither dread ye at the sight of the nurse who cometh with the chemo, for thy Lord God himself is thy leader, and he shall not leave thee, neither forsake thee.  Take courage, be brave.  Take heart, Paula Girl—God is ALWAYS with You and has EVERYTHING under control. ”

I am sharing my journalling because I thought perhaps some others might possibly be comforted by the comfort that God is giving me through this trial.  Maybe you would  like to substitute your name and whatever trials you are facing in the above.  It sure did me good to look up those translations of Deut 31:6.  I’ll be heading out this morning for #4 out of the planned 6 chemo treatments.  I would appreciate prayer especially during each 1-2 weeks following chemo when the side effects and arm pain seem to be hitting me the hardest.  Thank you! 🙂

Clinging to Jesus and His promises,

God’s beloved bald-headed Paula

Promise #5: I will not fail, God is ALWAYS victorious

Promise #5: I will not fail, God is ALWAYS victorious
(quotes are all from the James MacDonald CD, “Always true”)

Romans 5:10

New International Version (NIV)

10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!


The “Christian Life” is Jesus; the Life of Christ.  It’s His life in me…not me striving or trying to act more like Jesus.  It’s me YIELDING to Him.  “Christ in me” is the Christian life.


2 Corinthians 4:8-10

New International Version (NIV)

8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.


It is the “not knowing” that causes fear, doubt, faltering, stress.  We fret, “Where will this end up?”  The truth is, we do know the final, ultimate outcome and it is WONDERFUL!

People fail but God does not.  Police can become corupt, preachers can plunge to depths of depravity, marriage commitments can be broken, people mess up.  God never messes up.



Life is flying by, Eternity racing upon us.




Lord, every good gift comes from You.
 (From James 1:7)
174. Back to eating just nourishing, health promoting foods.  It feels very good to do what I can do to take great care of myself.  Thank You Lord for helping me overcome temptation to eat junk that just tears my body down.  I will continually turn to the Lord–my Rock, my stronghold, my deliverer for all my comfort, not chocolate or sugar or anything else but Him.
175. Great time Hannah and I had giving away 10 little floral bouquets from our garden last night to neighbors.  It’s so much fun to share our flowers!
176. A washer and drier that work well. 
177. I know ahead of time what the final, ultimate outcome of my life is going to be: Eternity with Christ.  That is cause for rejoicing!  What I am going through now is all temporary.
178. Thank You Father for chemo dose #4 tomorrow, August 22, 2011.  Please use it for good–please answer my prayers exceedingly abundantly above all I could ask or think.   Thank You in advance for walking with me through all this, that Your grace is sufficient.  I praise You for how you are weakening the cancer cells and removing them in masses out of my body and how You are strengthening all the healthy cells, making them thrive and flourish, enabling them to “take the hit”.  I don’t know how this works, Lord.  I say these things by faith because I know You can do it, just not sure that that’s what Your doing.  Help my unbelief, Lord.  Please fill me with faith. 
179. I will not fail, God is ALWAYS victorious.  When Jesus died on the Cross–so did I–my sin was nailed right up there with Him.  When He rose again, I did too–raised to new life in Christ.  When my Father sees me, He sees His Son.  All my sin has been paid in full, my sin debt completely covered by my Savior.
180. Sue loaning me this “Always True” CD series.  It is a blessing to think about His exceedingly great and precious promises.
181. Joy has taken over my responsibility to cut John and Nicholas’ hair and is doing an excellent job: she’s my cheerful, “right hand gal’ in so many ways. 
182.  I am thankful for good friends.
Sage advice from a bumper sticker…
“Wag more. Bark less.”

Promise #4: I will not falter, God is ALWAYS watching

Promise #4: I will not falter, God is ALWAYS watching
(continuation of notes I took while listening to the James MacDonald CDs “Always true”.  The direct quotes are his, not mine.)

Titus 1:1-2

 1 Paul, a servant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ to further the faith of God’s elect and their knowledge of the truth that leads to godliness— 2 in the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time

Isaiah 43:2

2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
      And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
      When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
      Nor shall the flame scorch you.

God’s hand is on the thermostat, His gauge is on the depth of water.  I don’t know what I can handle but He does.  His goal is to change and mature me and bring honor to Himself.   I can take more than I think I can–He is the One providing me with the strength I need.

1 Corinthians 10:13

13 No temptation (another word is “trial”) has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness.  He will always make a way of escape at just the right time.  He gives encouragement to persevere, gives wisdom to do His will, He can pull me out of the fire/out of the flood waters at just the right time.
God’s promises are activated by faith.
Wrong views of God watching:
1. Some think God is watching like a resentful parent.  He is not.
Zeph 3: He rejoices over me with singing.  He is “at the front of the balcony, cheering me on”
2. He is not “watching like a hawk”, swooping down on every vulnerability, waiting to pounce on every mistake

Psalm 103:14
 14 For He knows our frame;
         He remembers that we are dust.

He knows the things that are hard for me.  God wants me walking in victory and has all the resources for me to do that.  No condemnation in Christ Jesus.
3. He is not like a crabby church lady sitting in the balcony, critical eye and wagging finger at kids she is watching below, cranky, never happy with anybody.
Psalm 40:2
He lifted me out of the pit of despair,out of the mud and the mire.He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.
The goodness of God leads me to repentance.  He redeemed me, set me free.  He can not love me more than He already does–I am loved with an everlasting, perfect love.
4. He is not a cantankerous boss: “Hey, get to work, time is money.”
God is the most loving, gracious, benevolent parent, interested in my well being

He sees it all. 

Proverbs 15:3


 3 The eyes of the LORD are everywhere,
   keeping watch on the wicked and the good

Searching for people to bless.  He is especially focused upon and attentive to His own.

2 Chronicles 16:9

9 For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

  I am precious to God in ways totally disproportionate to the person I am.  He knew me before foundations of the world (Ps 139)

Lord, every good gift comes from You.
 (From James 1:7)

171.  God is watching me as a loving Daddy watching the apple of His eye–focused on me with eyes of compassion, plenteous in mercy, rejoicing over me with singing, gracious, tenderhearted and I have the joy and privilege of being His beloved daughter.  Nothing I am going through escapes His attention.  He knows everything about everything.  Nothing is too hard for Him.  He can do anything.  He has promised me that he will work all things together for good in Romans 8:28.

172. Isaiah 43:2  Even though this passage has a different context and was not written to the church, I can glean the heart of God toward me too.   His eye is on the thermostat of this fiery trial. Even though it feels very hot at times, I am not going to get burned up. His eye is on the gauge of the depth of water in this flood. The water is not going to go over my head. I am not drowning even though it feels like waves are crashing over me at times.  He will help me catch my breath, tread water,  and float on my back and rest when the water is too deep to walk through.  He will not give me more than I can bear. He will show me a way of escape when I am tempted to sin, when I feel like giving up, when things feel too hard. At some point God will say “That’s enough” and this trial will end–maybe on earth, maybe in Heaven.  He can completely heal me in a snap anytime He wants to, however He wants to.   He will provide every bit of the strength I need to persevere and walk in His victory while He wants me on this earth, then after that He is going to take me Home to Heaven in His perfect time. I already know the end of the story and my future is bright no matter what happens.

173.From Isaiah 43:4 : “You are precious in my eyes, honored, and I love you.”  He feels like that about every one of His kids, me included.  I am loved with an everlasting, perfect love and am so grateful to be His.


Specific requests I would really appreciate prayer for:

-Chemo #4 out of 6 is Monday, 8/22.  It’s not that the infusion part is so hard when it is happening, it’s the afterwards part that I dread.  I don’t know if it is the fluid shift from the steroids along with added IV fluids, the chemo itself, or what but the squeezed, tourniquet sensation in my arm  gets worse with the chemo treatments.  The pain, along with the chemo side effects, hit hardest the first week after chemo.  Thank You Father for chemo.  Please use it to kill off all the cancer cells and please protect all the healthy cells.  Please take away the pain in Your timing and give me strength to endure it as long as you allow it.

– I may have the start of neuropathy in my fingers and feet which are side effects of the chemo.  I’ll talk with the doctor about it.  I’d appreciate His protection from chemo side effects and radiation damage later.  I hate these treatments, did everything I could think of to avoid this path I am on,  but as far as I know, they are what God has for me.  Please pray I will have a good attitude about His plans for me including this cancer treatment: genuine acceptence with a happy heart!  🙂

– Please pray that He would flood my heart with His joy, peace, strength, courage, grace,  and accomplish all He wants to do in my life.  I have been thinking a lot lately about that article by Piper, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer” posted in this blog as my first entry (It’s archived in January on the website http://jpoliver.com/wordpress/archives/date/2011/01 )  Please pray that I won’t waste the cancer, that I will walk closely with Him, and that He will lift all discouragement.

–I have decided that I would like to be a much more positive, optimistic, joyful person and kick every despairing thought out the door of my mind to the dumpster where it belongs.   While it is true that I am fighting an especially fast, aggressive type of cancer and some people do die because of it despite treatment, many people have survived it and it certainly is not too hard for God to heal me. I’m not just some statistic, I’m the daughter of the Creator of the Universe and I am going to live just as long as He says so–no more, no less. My hope is in the Lord, not the treatment that He may or may not use.   I am asking the Lord to transform my thinking, renew my mind in His Word, that I will dwell on His truths.  If it’s His will to heal me of this cancer, I’m going to be healed.  Since I don’t know what that will is,I am going to live like I am living, not like I’m dying.  The truth is, as His child, He has a victorious, abundant life for me right now, a day at a time.  Because of Jesus Christ, I have every reason in the world to have a great life, no matter what I am going through.   Can you pray that God will do this work in my heart and mind, that He will teach me to have a positive, optimistic, joyful, hopeful attitude? I do not want to be a miserable person, allowing despairing, depressing thoughts to swallow me up–those kinds of thoughts call my name sometimes, especially when I am hurting and feeling lousy after the chemo but truthfully it can hit at any time.   I want to walk as a victorious child of God, an overcomer.  That’s who I am in Christ!

–I would appreciate prayer for my weight and that I would walk with the Lord in doing the things I can do to take good care of myself.  I’ve struggled with being over weight for years despite mostly healthy eating (intermittent mess-ups with overeating) and my attempts to take excellent care of myself. I got down to my goal weight range in May when I was doing the alternative cancer treatment, having 13 organic juices/day, doing coffee enemas, eating a very strict diet.  Right now there is a combination of being on steroids and other drugs that are known to cause weight gain (the literature says “normal means to maintain or lose weight are ineffective on this drug”.  Not fair, not fair!   I mistakenly thought all cancer patients got skinny but some get fat). Right now I can’t exercise like I am used to and have been  feeling rather disillusioned about how I still got cancer despite all the measures I took to avoid it.  Chemical menopause because of the drugs are making my hormones go crazy, I have a messed-up thyroid gland which makes my metabolism very sluggish.  I’ve gone from about 7-8 years of usually being on a very strict eating plan (either all or high raw vegan to lately eating whatever I feel like eating which includes junk I haven’t allowed myself for years and years.   All those put together are not a good combo.  Anyway, along with some major physical changes like the loss of my left breast, my head of hair and most of my eyebrows falling out from chemo, continual pain,  bloating and edema from the drugs, now the weight has also been piling back on and I am very uncomfortable. I have been “feeling ugly” lately.  It’s not that I think of myself as having been so good looking before cancer but cancer is such a robber of even what you do have on the outside like even stealing thinning, straggly, greying hair.  My wigs are prettier than my own hair but I like my own hair better because it was mine and it wasn’t hot and itchy.  The truth is God and my husband and children and friends love me no matter what I look like.  Father, please make me beautiful on the inside where it counts.  Please help me to take good care of myself and do the best I can on the outside too, in a way that is not vain and is pleasing to You.  Please transform me and give me YOUR perspective, your point of view on this life you have for me.  In Christ, my “self image” has nothing to do with what I look like.

 Today is day #1 for me of getting back on track: back to eating just foods which build my body up, not tearing it down.  I feel better not eating junk. I am asking God for wisdom and self control with my eating, exercise, and to have HIS balance in making healthy lifestyle choices.   I am confessing my sin of gluttony to the Lord and know it is wrong to try and fill up voids and futilely try to relieve stress with food, using it like a drug really. I want to be in close fellowship with the Lord and walk with Him in every area and not walk in the flesh.  Many things are out of my control right now but what I choose to put in my mouth or not put in my mouth IS in my control and I can do that again, with His help.    For years I faithfully exercised about 1 to 1 1/2 hours per day almost every day (and loved doing that and being fit and active).  I haven’t been up to doing that since January because of my health and treatments but I have been doing a small amount of walking, swimming, and biking as I’ve been able.  I can add to that as I get my strength back and get stronger and healthier. The truth is, food is not my comfort…chocolate and sugar and processed junk is not my comfort. I will not run to them like an idol when I am stressed.  Jesus is my comfort.  HE is my refuge and strength and fortress, my deliverer.  Because of the drugs  my weight may not respond to normal means to lose and maintain a healthy weight for a long time.  Plans are for me to be on IV Herceptin for a year and 5 years of hormone blockers after that which can all also cause weight gain.  I wish that wasn’t so but it is and I might as well make the best of it and do my part.    I am going to do the right thing and leave the results to God.   I will let go of all excuses.  I will do my best with the things I can control and let go of the rest.  My position and value are “in Christ”, not what I look like. 

I am sharing this here because this is a weak area for me and I would appreciate prayer.

 Thank you for praying.  Thank you for your friendship and your  encouragement and uplifting words in the comments on the blog and in emails and in person.  I appreciate you guys very much.

Rejoicing in the One Who is the same yesterday, today, and forever–

God’s beloved Paula


Promise #3: I will not despair, God is ALWAYS good

Promise #3: I will not despair, God is ALWAYS good.
(continuation of notes I took and me checking some different Scripture translations while listening to the James MacDonald CDs “Always true”.  The direct quotes are his, not mine.)

Romans 8:28

New Living Translation (NLT)

28 And we know that God causes everything to work together[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Romans 8:28

Amplified Bible (AMP)

28We are assured and know that [[a]God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.


Psalm 27:13

King James Version (KJV)

 13I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

Psalm 27:13

New International Version (NIV)

 13 I remain confident of this:
   I will see the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living.

Psalm 27:13

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

13 [a]I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.


3 Accelerants to despair:

1. Surprise: no idea it was going to happen, didn’t see it coming

2. Severe: A big thing in your life

3. Settled/or the enemy telling us it’s a settled matter.  “It’s all over”.


It is a good  place to come to when we can’t do one single thing to “fix things” except to wait on God.  Our part: just believe Him.  His part: the rest.  Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.  “Be still and know that I am God.”

Everything God does in my life is for my good.  EVERY one of His “no’s” is a MERCY.

A.W. Tozer got a “degree” in suffering.

Psalm 100:5

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

5 For the LORD is good;
His lovingkindness is everlasting
And His faithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 100:5

New Living Translation (NLT)

 5 For the Lord is good.
      His unfailing love continues forever,
      and his faithfulness continues to each generation.


Psalm 145:9

New Living Translation (NLT)

 9 The Lord is good to everyone.
      He showers compassion on all his creation.

Psalm 145:9

New King James Version (NKJV)

 9 The LORD is good to all,
         And His tender mercies are over all His works.

Lord, every good gift comes from You.
 (From James 1:7)
153. God is always good to me.  He showers me with compassion and tender mercy.
154. Every single “no” to my prayers is a mercy, full of His wisdom
155. I do see and will continue to see His goodness while I am alive and in the land of the living. 
156.  The way things are going does not need to make sense to me.  I will not despair, God is ALWAYS good, loving, kind, faithful, and right in all He does and allows.
157. A beautiful Monarch butterfly hovering over blossoms in the parking lot when we went shopping
158. Heading home sweet home from Daytona Beach today after a wonderfully refreshing vacation
159. A very enjoyable visit with John’s Mom and Alan yesterday
169. I will not despair over the cancer, over the pain, over the treatment I wish I didn’t need to be doing,.. over anything else.  This is all temporary stuff, all “momentary and light afflictions” with an eternal purpose and some of the hardest things I am going through are really special blessings from God.   I just don’t always  recognize the beautiful gifts He has for me because I get fooled for awhile by the way the “presents are wrapped”.
170. All the “exceedingly great and precious promises” in the Bible, the “diamonds in mountains of gold”,  that are God’s treasures for me personally.  How very rich and blessed I am in Christ!

Psalm 23

 1 The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have EVERYTHING I need.
 2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
      he leads me beside peaceful streams.
    3 He renews my strength.
   He guides me along right paths,
      bringing honor to his name.
 4 Even when I walk
      through the dark valley of death,[a]
   I will not be afraid,
      for you are close beside me.
   Your rod and your staff
      protect and comfort me.
 5 You prepare a feast for me
      in the presence of my enemies.
   You welcome me as a guest, anointing my head with oil.
      My cup overflows with blessings.
 6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
      all the days of my life,
   and I will live in the house of the Lord



Promise #2: I will not doubt, God is ALWAYS in control

Promise #2 : I will not doubt, God is ALWAYS in control
(continuation of notes I took and me checking some different Scripture translations while listening to the James MacDonald CDs “Always true”.  The direct quotes are his, not mine.)

Proverbs 3:5-6

New Living Translation (NLT)


 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
      do not depend on your own understanding.
 6 Seek his will in all you do,
      and he will show you which path to take.

Psalm 34:8

New Living Translation (NLT)


 8 Taste and see that the Lord is good.
      Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!

HIS WAY is the safest, fastest, smoothest road to the best possible destination.  (My conclusion: when I let my flesh rule /want my way instead of His, it  causes needless detours, u turns, etc.)  God sees every detail of my situation and I can trust Him.

God invented truth.  He IS  truth.

Doubt is the soil fears grows in and is the cause of  emotional roller coaster rides.

God WANTS me to test His promises, put my full weight on them.  God invites me to test Him and see if He is faithful.  If I will do what is right and honor God I can walk by faith, wait on Him, wait on Him to work.

Hebrews 6:19

New Living Translation (NLT)


19 This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.

Hebrews 6:19

Amplified Bible (AMP)

19[Now] we have this [hope] as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul [it cannot slip and it cannot [a]break down under whoever steps out upon it–a hope] that reaches [b]farther and enters into [the very certainty of the Presence] within the veil,

Lord, every good gift comes from You.
 (From James 1:7)

142. I will not doubt or be afraid because God is in total control.  God will help me to be brave and strong in Him.

143.A gift from John of a beautiful bunch of purple mums with yellow centers gracing our table in a blender for a vase at the resort. 🙂

144. If God wasn’t going to use cancer, pain, and disappointment in my life, none of them would have happened.  He is sovereign over all and absolutely trustworthy

145.  I will “taste” and see that He is good. Every day.  ALWAYS and no matter what.  Oh the joys of those who take refuge in Him!

146. The beach that reminds me that God’s thoughts toward me outnumber the grains of sand

Psalm 139:17-18

 17 How precious are your thoughts about me,[a] O God.
      They cannot be numbered!
 18 I can’t even count them;
      they outnumber the grains of sand!
   And when I wake up,
      you are still with me!

147.  Because of Jesus, I do not have to live in a world of emotional yo-yos and roller coaster rides

148. God invites me to check out all His promises, test them out for myself, see that they are true.  God never lies.  He is never mistaken.

150. My hope in Christ is the sure and steadfast anchor of my soul.  It is firm, secure, and I can count on God NEVER to fail me, NEVER to leave me, NEVER to forsake me.

151. God still is in control when things aren’t going the way I think I want them to be going. His timing is different than mine and His timing is always on time.

152. I, Paula, will choose to lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with ALL  my heart and mind and not rely on my own insight or understanding. In all my ways I will know, recognize, and acknowledge Him and He will direct and make straight and plain all my  paths.