New Living Translation (NLT)
11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.
The Message (MSG)
Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.
Amplified Bible (AMP)
11Not that I am implying that I was in any personal want, for I have learned how to be [a] content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am.
12I know how to be abased and live humbly in straitened circumstances, and I know also how to enjoy plenty and live in abundance. I have learned in any and all circumstances the secret of facing every situation, whether well-fed or going hungry, having a sufficiency and enough to spare or going without and being in want.
King James Version (KJV)
11Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
12I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
New International Version (NIV)
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
My take away:
I sure have a lot of growing to do. I am not handling this mess the way I want to be but I am asking the Lord to work in my heart so I can do it His way and in His strength.
The issue for me here and now is contentment no matter what. Will I be content pain or no pain? AM I CONTENT IF THE PAIN IN MY ARM STAYS CONSTANT “FOR GOOD”? As in, can I be content if it keeps on feeling like I have a tourniquet or an inflated BP cuff on my arm 24/7/365 the rest of my life? Oh my–hard thought. Could God want to teach me such a thing? I imagine He might possibly arrange that seeing as nothing appears to be changing or helping in the pain department. Perhaps it’ll just take more time to heal and perhaps the doctor can find some kind of medicine to help or perhaps not. Can I believe that God is big enough to give me the grace and peace and help I need for each day, pain or no pain? Can I trust Him that He has a purpose for the pain, that it somehow is meant to achieve some good purpose beyond my comprehension? That I can honor and glorify Him in my response to the pain, however long it is with me? Can I rest contentedly in Him no matter what? I know that the truth is my contentment must be all wrapped up in Jesus–not my emotions or circumstances…SATISFIED that HE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH…the joy of the Lord my strength. Can I give Him the pain of TODAY, then keep on doing that, one day at a time? Yes. In His strength I can do that and I will do that.
I asked, begged, pleaded, implored the Lord to do my surgery for me right from the start. I told Him, seeing as He was the Great Physician and I was His daughter and all, that I preferred HE took out the cancer instead of having the surgeon do it. If He did the job, He wouldn’t need to disrupt any nerves or lymph nodes or even remove my breast–it could all stay put–just pluck out the cancer and leave the rest. It sounded like a good arrangement to me. He wouldn’t need a knife or chemicals or radiation to zap the cancer cells. He wouldn’t hurt my immunity or need to surgically implant a port for IV infusions for a year. Does He do such things as out-and-out “God plus nothing” healing nowadays or was it limited to long ago when Jesus came to earth? I am not into Benny Hinn type healing services but I KNOW my great big God can still take away pain and cancer in today’s time when it is His will to do so–with or without doctors. It’s not like my case is so hard for Him that he needs the assistance of pain medication that isn’t even working for me, chemo, etc. I know He can use doctors and gives them skill but I sure was hoping He would do the job all by Himself. I sought the Lord and I fasted and prayed, was anointed with oil and many prayed for me as I did my best with nutrition and detoxification in case He wanted to use that. I prayed for a miracle and the cancer grew. God did not work in the way I had hoped so onto Plans B, C, and beyond. I’m having the chemo now then the radiation later — all this stuff that I hate, hate, hate. Will I trust Him? Yes. Can I accept and even embrace ALL that He has for me? Yes. Does God make mistakes? No. Can I give Him all my disappointments and heartaches and trust Him no matter what? YES, YES, YES. I know it is true. He is God and I am not.
I had the surgery which has left my arm in this state of constant pain and honestly, I am having a hard time. It’s not that the pain is so severe that you scream over it, it’s just it’s so constant and, along with a lot of burning, stinging, numbness, and hypersensitivity it feels like getting blood work done and nobody ever takes off the tourniquet when they are finished drawing the blood. So far the pain medications are not working…just side effects with no pain relief. There are other drugs to try and I suppose I will. Just like the chemo, it’s up to the Lord if the pain medication will work for me or not.
OH PLEASE LORD, couldn’t YOU please remove that strange sensation in my arm? Pretty please with a cherry of thankfulness no matter what on top? I know that You are good, kind, and loving whether You remove the pain or not but I sure wish you’d do that for me. Father, again I let go of my life, every cell in my body, my left arm with the invisible tourniquet. I am not my own, I am Yours. I have been bought with a price. I yield myself to YOU. Teach me how to surrender everything over to You with a sweetly trusting heart. Please train my eyes to be steadfast on You.
Can You also please teach me to be content, Lord? I am not content. I don’t like the hard things You are allowing. I’m like Saran Wrap to You–utterly transparent and You already know how I feel about all this stuff going on. This pain and the cancer and the treatment for the cancer feels WAAAAAY too hard for me. All together it is downright overwhelming, Father. I am asking YOU to take over every last detail, LORD. Help me. I feel like I am drowning and the waves keep crashing over my head. Sometimes it seems like I am in a Category 5 Hurricane in the middle of the ocean without even a little rickety boat or a life preserver. Can Jesus come on over, walkin’ on water, grab me outta the waves, and rescue me? I want You to hold me close and not let me go. Please.
I can’t do this but God can.