Here We are at our Big, Beautiful, Bright Yellow “Little Pink House of Hope”!

“God gave you a gift of 86, 400 seconds today.  Have you used one to say ‘Thank you’”? (William Ward ) Lord, every single gift comes from You…“Lift my gaze to see life from Your perspective. Help me to understand-and treasure-every good thing You send…”(From James 1:7)   My running list of His One Thousand Gifts to me:
952. It is mind boggling to me that God arranged such a loving gift for us and that we were one of the 8 families selected for this all expenses paid retreat here on Oak Island, N.C.  It’s a very beautiful place!  The beach area reminds me very much of family vacations camping in Rhode Island as a kid. The Little Pink Houses of Hope organization also has other beach retreats for families and singles throughout the year in North and South Carolina and Delaware –amazing, amazing, AMAZING.  There are all sorts of activites planned for any families wanting to do them–all totally optional–they said they want the vacation to be custom fit to whatever each family needs: for some it’ll be just to rest and relax on their own for those who want that, or lots of group fun for those like our family who are thrilled about all the options available and plan to join in lots of the planned activities.

Last night there was a delicious catered meal with a fabulous chef cooking up our meals right in front of us.  We each chose from a large selection of a pasta bar, along with salad, and cookies for dessert, My pasta was sauteed with red peppers, onions, mushrooms, broccoli, peas, and topped with marinara sauce.  Nicholas and John enjoyed the chicken and shrimp in their pasta dishes, Hannah got her favorite: plain pasta with lots of olives and Joy really enjoyed her chicken pasta alfredo. 

 This morning we have group games on the beach (egg tossing and shaving cream are mentioned–HA), lunch of pizza and salad at a volunteer’s house.The 4 BR/2 Ba beach house (which is a cheery sunshiny yellow with two big porches) that we are staying at this week is exremely comfortable and absolutely wonderful in every possible way .  It is well stocked in snacks, treats, and breakfast items especially selected to match our preferences and outstanding LPHOH group lunches and dinners are all provided for. I have decided to officially be off my diet this week –guilt-free–and resume it Oct 1st :)!  My goal is to be back to my ideal goal weight range by the end of the year after packing on the pounds during cancer treatment. I still have a ways to go but I am thankful for the progress I am making losing weight and on my way to getting trim and fit with God’s help.  This week I am taking a break: relaxing and enjoying everything, including the food. 

 There is a date night at a nice restaurant on Wednesday for couples while the kids are involved in other fun activities at the Rec Center. Afternoons are free times for exploring, relaxing, whatever.  I so love being at the ocean and hope to do lots of walking on the beach.  Last night after the group get-together the girls and I had a rip roaring time laughing and playing table games while John watched a movie and Nicholas did one of his favorite things: catch up on politics on TV.  Today there is a top Bravo chef cooking contest finanilist giving us a cooking lesson and then making us dinner at the Country Club, Another evening will be an aquarium visit with dinner right there with the fishes (we’ll take a ferry over and our group will be the only ones at the aquarium at that time).  We have an opportunity to learn stand-up paddleboarding and surfing–can’t wait! This week is full of adventures!  They also offer golfing, kayaking,  and fishing on a boat which will all be a blast. I am loving every part of this week! There is a family session with a professional photographer and fitness classes I am planning on too which will help offset the splurges.  🙂  Can you tell I’m REALLY excited about this week?!  Yippeeeeeeee and hoooray for all the fun we are having!

 Anyway, “WOW God, I can hardly believe You, dear Lord, have blessed our family in this way is all I gotta say! I am so grateful to Him and all the folks with the Little Pink Houses of Hope organization.  What giving, beautiful hearts all these folks have: the LPHOH founder and volunteers, all the home owners who have donated their lovely vacation homes for the week to us families, all the activities and food and gift bags, a beyond my hopes and dreams brand of good times!  The verse I am thinking of is that God brings joy from mourning and exchanges beauty for ashes.The gift of this week surely is “good measure, pressed down, and overflowing” from God’s Hand..

 It has been such a challenging and difficult  time battling breast cancer and yet He has blessed our socks off with  His grace and help and mercy and love throughout every detail, including during the toughest of times and has even had unexpected gifts and surprises along the way like this week.  I am feeling strong and fit and  healthy now and am cancer-free as far as I know and so very grateful to be here with my dear husband, precious children, and some new friends, making incredible  memories we will  treasure the rest of our lives.  Thank You, Father!

Wow, are we ever having FUN!!!!!!!



Heading to our Little Pink House of Hope

Q.. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

  A.. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q.. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

  A.. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.


“God gave you a gift of 86, 400 seconds today.  Have you used one to say ‘Thank you’”? (William Ward ) Lord, every single gift comes from You…“Lift my gaze to see life from Your perspective. Help me to understand-and treasure-every good thing You send…”(From James 1:7)   My running list of His One Thousand Gifts to me: 

934. We leave for our week’s all-expenses paid vacation on the beach in N.C. tomorrow .  It’s like a hug from God to our family!  What a sweet blessing.   I can’t wait! 🙂

935. Nicholas and I had a delightful time together last week on a trip to Washington D.C which was my conservative -politics-loving son’s high school graduation gift.   The Values Voters Summit and our adventures in DC were wonderful and memorable  We are thankful to Eric and Cheryl for their gracious hospitality and the Lord worked out everything for smooth transportation navigating the Metro, PTL.

936. I read this this morning:

Deuteronomy 31:6

King James Version (KJV)

Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Deuteronomy 31:6

Good News Translation (GNT)

Be determined and confident. Do not be afraid of them. Your God, the Lord himself, will be with you. He will not fail you or abandon you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6

New Living Translation (NLT)

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6

Amplified Bible (AMP)

Be strong, courageous, and firm; fear not nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your God Who goes with you; He will not fail you or forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6

The Message (MSG)

“Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.”


937. “The primary goal in our life is to love the Lord with all of the mind, soul, and heart. Idolatry is when we love anything above God. Our problem is that we love other things more than we love God. All of our sin flows out of idolatry. Our idolatry leads to multiplied sin and misery. 

Do you believe that Jesus Christ is enough? What is it in your life that means more to you than God?

Your idol is whatever you’re willing to sin to get. Your idol is whatever you’re willing to sin because you don’t have. That’s your functional God.  If unbelief and idolatry are our primary problems, what is the solution? We as Christians have good news!

We are justified! Justification can be defined in two basic ways: Just as if I’d never sinned, and just as if I’d always obeyed.  Christ’s perfect record has been applied to my account. We are forgiven and righteous. 

So the primary question of the Christian is not, “What would Jesus do?”  The primary question should be, “What did Jesus do?”

People will never do enough to cause us to love them. Our ability to love others is rooted in Christ’s love. We don’t love others based on their performance. If we do, we will continue to struggle. Only Jesus can rescue us from idolatry. He came to save sinners. There is no room for self-help in loving others. Only God’s love is able to transform us.”

Quote from:


938. Quote from Kathy Geiger I just re-read in my blog from October of last year:
“…I also know that He does not give us more than we can bear at any one time because He does expect us to lean hard on Him and trust in His goodness and grace. He knows exactly what we are going through and is going through it with us every second of every day. He wants nothing but what is best for us and that best is Himself so He will use anything to draw us closer to Himself so that we get to trust Him more and lean on Him harder.”
939. An old note from Nita:
“…I read in the book on Margins – God says He is omnipotent. Either He is or He isn’t. God says that He is omniscient. Either He is or He isn’t. God is love. Either He is or He isn’t. There is no middle ground.”
940. A reminder from Lillie’s reading that blessed me last year when I first read it and today when I read it again:
“God loves to bless you. He has even declared that ‘blessings shall come upon you and overtake you.’ This means that you can’t run fast enough to escape them! When you turn one corner, there is a blessing waiting for you. When you turn another corner, you run smack into another blessing! 
“There are things known
and there are things unknown
and in between are the doors.”

Jim Morrison

942. Kelley’s kidney surgery went smoothly this week and she is recovering well.  She’ll be home from the hospital soon thankfully.
943. God’s tender care of Mom with her health issues and dear sisters in Arizona who are helping her in countless ways
944. A vibrant double rainbow and my two delighted, budding photographers, Joy and Hannah, having a grand time taking pictures of it arching over the lake.
945. Scooter’s soccer injuries being less serious than originally thought
950.  God’s provision of a nice, used Honda Civic at a good price to replace a van that died
951. God’s answered prayer of Dave getting to visit Lu at last.  God’s timing is always on time.
It sure has/is doing me a world of good to count some of my blessings with this 1000 gifts gratefulness list!


My Collection of Favorite Jokes/Funny Stuff

I am updating my blog and archiving some of the things that I found funny in the ‘Humor” category on the website for easier retrieval as they are sprinkled in my past posts throughout the blog.  Hope you guys enjoy these as I do.  🙂 A merry heart does good, like mediicne!

If you guys come across any clean, wholesome humor I’d sure appreciate it if you forward them to me or add them to this thread.  Thanks!



Bubba & The Psychiatrist

Bubba went to see a psychiatrist.

‘I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy’ he told the psychiatrist.

‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.’

‘How much do you charge?’

‘Eighty dollars per visit, replied the psychiatrist.’

‘I’ll sleep on it,’ said Bubba.

Six months later the psychiatrist met Bubba on the street. ‘Why didn’t you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?’ asked the psychiatrist.

‘Well Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A barber cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!’

‘Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a barber cure you?’

‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed! – Ain’t nobody under there now !!!’


Git ‘er dun!!!!!!!!!


The Mechanic & The Cardiologist

  A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage: “Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?”

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.

So how come I make $40,000 a year and you get the really big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same work?”

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic … “Try doing it with the engine running.”


Ever Been in Cahoots?

(Unknown Authors)


“I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can’t go alone ~ you have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

Sometimes I’m in Capable… I go there more often as I’m getting older.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump. While I like to exercise,

I’m not too much on jumping…it’s tough on the knees.

I have avoided going to in Sane. Can’t get there by plane…you have to be driven.  

I have made several trips near that area, when I was lost for a short time.

No thanks to my friends, family and work. 

I actually was pulled out well short of that destination by a guy, God in the flesh, Jesus Christ.  Close call.

I have also been in Doubt.
That is a sad place to go and you can’t leave there by getting stuck somewhere in Decision, a suburb of that doubt.
I try not to visit there too often.  My faith in Jesus Christ left me less in doubt.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. 
We need a lot of that when it comes to the spreading desire to be in Decisive.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense!                                                             
It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart!
At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, but I don’t remember what country that was.
It’s an age thing.

 We lived in Sufferable until we couldn’t stand it any more.

The politicians spout Innuendo which drives me deeper In Debt.


Hey guys, I thought up some too:

Sometimes I’ve been in Decisive but I haven’t yet made my mind what I think about that place.  It was very much like time spent in Conclusive.  I never completely figured that one out either until I got to in Conclusion.  Amazing what I learned in Comprehensible: it was such an in Teresting place, pondering the immeasurable love of God. Without the Lord, I’d sure be in Deep Trouble: we’re in Separable, He and me (or is it “He and I”?).  :)   Whenever I get in Hot Water, in A Pickle, in Jeopardy, in A Pinch,  or  in A Jam,  I know my hope is In Christ which is in Valuable to me!

It’s rather fun to do.  How about you, can you add your two cents to  “Ever Been in Cahoots?” Paula

Here are some more (unknown authors):

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible
but life shows me I am not.

People keep telling me I’m in Denial
but I’m positive I’ve never been there before!


Kathy Geiger says:

I have been in confidence only to have me proven wrong and in conclusion only to find that it is but a starting place.

Denise says:

How about…
I’ve been in Credible
I couldn’t believe how beautiful that place was!

From Arlene:

I read all of your “in” comments and they are a hoot…Can one be a hoot while eating a fruit and blowing a bugle toot in Cahoots? But I digress with a moot point…

At this point I think that you’ve covered most of the bases with the “in” prefix except have you ever been

in surmountable in Mount Dora ? in trospective on the psychiatrist’s couch? in genious on a report card?

in finity at the end of your sentences ?


Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.  This is his colonoscopy account:

Colonoscopy Journal:




“I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.




A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.




Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.




I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!’




I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America ‘s enemies.




I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.




Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn’t eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor..




Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes – and here I am being kind – like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.




The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, ‘a loose, watery bowel movement may result.’




This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.




MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.




After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.




The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, ‘What if I spurt on Andy?’ How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.




At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the … forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..




Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.
At first I was ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.




When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.




Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.




There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, ‘Dancing Queen’ had to be the least appropriate.




‘You want me to turn it up?’ said Andy, from somewhere behind me..




‘Ha ha,’ I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like..




I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling ‘Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,’ and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.




Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.”


Humor: “Fresh Meat”:


Puns Intended(Unknown Author) ”1.  The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.   2.  I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .   3.  A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.   4.  No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.   5.  A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.   6.  A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.   7.  Two silk worms had a race.   They ended up in a tie.   8.Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.  9.  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.  10.  Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’ 11.  I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.  12..  A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’   13.  The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.  14.  A backward poet writes inverse.  15.  In a democracy it’s your vote that counts.  In feudalism it’s your count that votes.  16.  When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.  17..  A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’ 18.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.  19..  Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’  The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’ 20..  Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root  canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.  21.  There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did. ”


The list below is especially for the lexiphiles, lexophiles, and logophiles in our midst and is more comprehensive than the last one I shared above.  I enjoy the cleverness of word play. I didn’t make up any of these: I found them in various places on the internet (authors unknown).   Wanna make one up or add in another that you’ve heard ;)?

4 Worms in Church

“A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.


Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol – Dead

The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive .

So the Minister asked the congregation –

What did you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

‘As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!’

That pretty much ended the service.”  ;)



When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U. C. L. A.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

I  wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar… got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , and resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

A calendar’s days are numbered.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for

Not only did the pearl divers come up empty, but they barely escaped an earthquake. These were pearl-less times.

Three lefts equal a right, yet no number of wrongs equals a right.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it
was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When
his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

When cannibals ate a clown they said it tasted funny.

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’  The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root  canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did. ”


(More word play from Julie’s brother)

Dyslexics have more nuf.

Clones are people, two.

Entropy isn’t what it used to be.

Microbiology Lab Staph Only !

Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

Eschew obfuscation.

186,000 miles per second. Not just a good idea, it’s the law!

Air pollution is a mist-demeanor.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Editing is a rewording activity.

My reality check just bounced.

Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.

No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn’t work anyway.

What if there were no hypothetical questions.

Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I used to think I was indecisive, now I’m not sure.

Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.

Our Crazy Language-Why is it that Way??

(Unknown Author)



Did you know that “verb” is a noun?

How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can’t spell them?

If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?

If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren’t two houses hice?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

If you’ve read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn’t this also mean that you would have to “member” somebody in order to remember them?

In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?

Is it a coincidence that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable?

Is there another word for a synonym?

Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?

What is another word for “thesaurus”?

Where do swear words come from?

Why can’t you make another word using all the letters in “anagram”?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why do people use the word “irregardless”?

Why do some people type “cool” as “kewl?”

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why do we say something’s out of order when its broken but we never say in of order when it works?

Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?

Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?

Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

Why does the Chinese ideogram for trouble symbolize two women living under one roof?

Why does X stand for a kiss and O stand for a hug?

Why doesn’t “onomatopoeia” sound like what it is?

Why don’t we say “why” instead of “how come”?

Why is “crazy man” an insult, while to insert a comma and say “Crazy, man!” is a compliment?

Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

Why is it that no word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple?

Why is it that the word “gullible” isn’t in the dictionary?

Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?

Why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Why is the plural of goose-geese, and not the plural of moose-meese?

Why isn’t “palindrome” spelled the same way backwards?

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Rules For Better Writing

 (Unknown Author)

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s
highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

16. Don’t use no double negatives.

17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Kill all exclamation points!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth
shaking ideas.

26. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not

27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know.”

28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

32. Who needs rhetorical questions?

33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.




I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, ‘Hi! I’m Belinda!’ This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, ‘All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?’

I’m thinking, ‘Belinda, try decaf. This ain’t rocket science.’

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, ‘Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?’

‘Fine’, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!

‘Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.’ Belinda headed for the door.

‘Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vise alone are you?’ I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, ‘Oh, you fussy puppy…the door’s wide open so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.’

Before I could shout ‘NOOOO!’ she disappeared.

And that’s exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite ‘Hi, how’s it going’ type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible ‘Uh, yes, yes I did– thanks.’

‘You bet, take care’ Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, ‘Oh I am sooo sorry!’ The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?’

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps….


Bible Headlines

(Unknown Author)

On Red Sea crossing:
Pursuing Environmentalists Killed

On David vs. Goliath:
Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock

On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:
400 Killed

On the birth of Christ:
Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

On feeding the 5,000:
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

On healing the 10 lepers:
“Faith Healer” Causes Bankruptcy

On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:
Local Farmer’s Investment Lost

On raising Lazarus from the dead:
Will Reading to be Delayed


Here are some Thanksgiving jokes, from contributing editor Richard Lederer:


Why did the turkey cross the road?


To prove he wasn’t chicken.


Is turkey soup good for you?


Not if you’re the turkey


Why did the person quit smoking cold turkey?


Because the feathers made him cough.


Why did the turkey bolt down its food?


Because it was a gobbler.


What do turkeys like to eat on Thanksgiving?


Nothing, they’re already stuffed.


Did you hear about the conservative turkey?


It had two right wings.

May  your stuffing  be tasty  
May  your turkey be  plump,
 May  your potatoes  and gravy
 Have  never a lump.
 May  your yams be  delicious
 And  your pies take  the prize,
 And  may your  Thanksgiving dinner
 Stay  off your  thighs!   


Funny Letter “From” Mission Board to Paul 🙂

Reverend St. Paul

Independent Missionary

Corinth, Greece


Dear Mr. Paul,


We recently received an application from you for service under our board.  Sir, it is our policy to be as frank and as open minded as possible with all our applicants.  We have made an exhaustive survey of your case, and, to be plain, we are surprised that you have been able to pass as a bona fide missionary.

We are told that you are afflicted with severe eye trouble. This is certain to be an insuperable handicap to an effective ministry; our board requires 20/20 vision.  Dr. Luke reports that you are a thin little man, bald, frequently sick, and always so agitated over your churches that you sleep poorly.  He reports that you pad around the house praying half the night.  A healthy mind in a robust body is our ideal for all applicants.  A good night’s sleep will give you zest and zip, so that you will wake full of zing.  In one of your letters you refer to yourself as Paul, the aged.  Our new mission policies do not envisage a surplus of superannuated recipients.

At Antioch  we learn that you opposed  Dr. Simon Peter, an esteemed denominational secretary, and actually rebuked him publicly.  You stirred so much trouble at Antioch that a special board meeting had to be convened at Jerusalem.  We cannot condone such actions.  You caused so much trouble at Ephesus that they refer to you as the man that turned the world upside down.  Sensationalism in missions is uncalled for.  You have caused much trouble wherever you have gone.  You opposed the honorable women at Berea, and the leaders of your own nationality in Jerusalem.  We cannot condone such actions.  If a man cannot get along with his own people, how can he serve foreigners?

Do you think it seemly for a missionary to do part-time secular work?  We hear that you are making tents on the side.  In a letter to the church at Philippi, you admitted that they were the only church supporting you.  We wonder why. Is it true that you have jail record?  Certain brethren report that you did two years time in Ceasarea and were imprisoned at Rome.

You admit that while you were doing time in prison at Rome that all forsook you.  Good men are not left friendless. Three fine brothers by the name of Diatrophes, Demas, and Alexander, the coppersmith, have notarized affidavits to the effect that it is impossible for them to co-operate with either you or your program. We know that you had a bitter quarrel with a man named Barnabas. Harsh words do not further the work of God.

You wrote recently to Timothy that you had fought a good fight. Jesus came not to bring a sword, but peace.  You boast that, “I fought with wild beasts at Ephesus.”  What on earth do you mean?

You have written many letters to churches where you have formerly been pastor.  In one of these letters you accused one church member of living with his father’s wife: you caused the whole church to feel badly and the poor fellow was expelled.

You spend too much time about the second coming of Christ. Your letters to the people at Thessalonica were almost entirely devoted to this theme. In a recent sermon you said, “God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ.”  It seems to us that you ought to glory in our heritage, our denominational program, and the great world federation of churches. Put first things first from now on.

We deplore the lurid over-the-wall-in-a-basket episode at Damascus.  We were appalled at your obvious lack of conciliatory behavior.  Diplomatic men are not stoned and dragged out of the city gate nor assaulted by angry mobs.  Have you ever suspected that gentler words might gain you more friends.

We understand that you are given to fantasies and dreams.  At Troas you saw a man of Macedonia, and at another time you were “caught up into the third heaven,” and even claimed that the LORD stood by you.  We reckon that more realistic minds are needed in the task of world evangelism.

Your ministry has been far too flighty to be successful.  First Asia Minor, then Italy, then to Spain.  Concentration is more important than dissipation of one’s powers; you cannot win the world by yourself.  You’re just one little Paul.

You sermons are much too long for the times.  At one place you talked until after midnight and a young man was so sleepy that he fell out of a window and broke his neck.  If nobody is saved after the first twenty minutes:  Stand up — speak up — then shut up — is our advice.

It hurts to tell you this, brother Paul, but in all my 25 years experience, I never meet a man so opposite to the requirements of our foreign mission board.


Most Sincerely yours,

J. Flavius Fluffyhead

Foreign Mission Board


“The Rejected Missionary” was originally written by Bill Britton, later expanded by Dean VanDruff.


“When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, working on the car… always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.”



“I recently asked my friend’s little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up.  She said she wanted to be President some day.  Both of her parents, Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, “If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?” She replied, “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.”  Her parents beamed with pride. “Wow…what a worthy goal.”  I told her, “But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I’ll pay you $50.  Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.” She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?”  I said, “Welcome to the Republican Party.”  Her parents still aren’t speaking to me.”


Mr. Smith was brought to a Catholic hospital and taken quickly in for coronary surgery.
The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. “Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand. “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”

“No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.

“Then can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun.

“I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”

“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun questioned sternly.

“Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered. “But she’s a humble spinster nun.”

“Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters – they are married to God.”

“Wonderful,” said Mr. Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in -law.”


 HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ’6′ in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.


  Wild, huh?



“Check your shampoo bottle label.   I don’t know WHY I didn’t figure this out sooner. It’s the shampoo I use in the shower!  When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning…   FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY!   NO wonder I have been gaining weight!  Well!  I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish soap instead. Their label reads,  DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.  Problem Solved! If I don’t answer the phone …I’ll be in the shower!”


Prayer for 2011

“Dear God:

For 2011, I’d like to ask You for a fat bank account and a slim body.

Please do not mix up the two like you did last year.


An atheist was walking through the woods.

‘What majestic trees!
‘What powerful rivers!
‘What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him..

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.

He tripped & fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him…

At that instant the Atheist cried out,
‘Oh my God!’

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

‘Are you taking My name in vain or are you calling out to Me for help?  You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.’
‘Are you wanting me to help you out of this predicament?

Am I to count you as a believer?

The atheist looked directly into the light, ‘It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian’?

‘Very well,’ said the voice..

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed.. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

‘Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.



“At a nursing home, a group of Senior Citizens was sitting around talking about their ailments:  ”My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one.

“Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can’t even SEE my coffee,” replied another.

“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

“My blood pressure pills make me dizzy’” another went on.

“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.  Then there was a short moment of silence.

“Well, it’s not that bad,” said one woman cheerfully.  ”Thank God we all can still drive!”


From Sept 2011:

I saw my dentist yesterday (chemo and radiation can be rough on teeth) and I told him about the Bill Cosby dentist comedy I saw recently.  He referred me to one of his favorites:  Have you seen it?  Check it out: funny stuff!


Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, ‘So y’all want to be cops, huh?’ The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, ‘To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth.’ So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.  ’Now,’ he said, ‘did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?’

The blonde immediately said, ‘Yes, I did. He has only one eye!’  The detective shook his head and said, ‘Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It’s a profile of his face! You’re dismissed!’ The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, said, ‘What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?’ ‘Yes! He only has one ear!’ The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, ‘Didn’t you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man’s face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You’re excused too!’ The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, ‘This is probably a waste of time, but … He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, ‘All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?’ The blonde said, ‘I sure did… This man wears contact lenses.’ The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, ‘You’re absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?’

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, ‘Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses!’


Michael Joiner’s Fast Food Comedy:  HA!


Below is a partial compiling of quotes on the internet by a group of women with breast cancer  finishing this sentence “You Know You’re a Breast Cancer Patient When….” I did not write these but can relate to many of them.  I personally dislike slang terms for breasts or crudeness so have eliminated or altered those in the original quotes:
“You Know You’re a Breast Cancer Patient When….
You’re the only woman in a house full of men, and you have less hair than they do!
Your bones and joints think they’re twice as old as you are.
You know what colace, miralax, senna, and immodium are,when to take each one, and you never leave home without them.
 Your friends from work see you with very little hair and a bloated face and body from steroids and they say you look good…….. …….
When your living room sofa has a permanent indentation in it which looks strangely like your rear end
When your pedometer says you took 108 steps today.
When you are checking in the mirror about how long your hair is at least once a day.when you walk and talk like your grandmothers’ grandmother.
your total lack of fear makes new car salespersons sweat.

When you are happy because somebody tells you that you don’t look so yellow and pale anymore.

When you’re using the lint roller on your head to get out the stubbies!

When you miss your breasts…

People keep telling you how good you look, and you wonder, “If I look so good in a wig and have no eyelashes and no eyebrows, how bad did I look before I had cancer?”

When the lint roller isn’t working so well on your head anymore so you start using duct tape to get those “prickles” out.

When you start to consider buying a bigger microwave just because you cannot fit another prescription bottle on top of the one you have.

When people say and “howwwwww are youuuu really” (dragging it out with that low voice).

How about when your teenager tries to signal you from across the room to “adjust” your prosthesis (“Mom….you have one creeping to the middle!”) He ended up texting me!

When you finally get brave enough to ditch your wig and wear a baseball cap instead and a store employee (young man) calls you SIR!

When your 2 year old granddaughter pulls off your wig because she wants to put it on and dance in front of the mirror.

When you feel like a newborn: hairless and ready for a nap at any time.

When all your female acquaintances – family, friends & co-workers – tell you when they book mammograms

When you are either freezing cold, from low blood counts, or scorching hot, from hot flashes- never quite just the right temp!

Everyone wants to give you lessons on ‘attitude’ because that is the real cure for cancer.

When your 80 year old mother calls YOU for advice on dealing with constipation.

When you discover, thru chemo baldness, that you inherited the shape of your father’s head.

When the neighbor comes over to check on you because he saw a strange man in the back yard only to find out it was you that he saw.

You know you’re a breast cancer patient when…you agree to a treatment plan that’s designed to turn you into an overweight, cranky, red faced, bald guy with hot flashes.”
Taylor Mason Comedy Clip: (I thought the spoof on the Crocodile Hunter part was particularly funny ;)
“A woman with breast cancer, going through the rigors of chemo,  woke up one morning,
looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs left on her head.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘I think I’ll braid my hair today.’
So she did and she had a wonderful day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror
and saw that she had only two hairs remaining on her head.
‘H-M-M,’ she said, ‘I think I’ll part my hair down the middle today.’
So she did and she had a grand day.The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed
that she had only one lonely hair on her head, hanging on for dear life.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘Today I’m going to wear my hair in a pony tail.’
So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and
noticed that there wasn’t a single hair on her head.
‘YAY!’ she exclaimed. ‘I don’t have to fix my hair today!’”




 I got a good chuckle out of this funny, wise little story. :)


 My “take-away” and challenge to myself is to reflect on what attitude I am going to choose along this path God has me on. Here’s some I can think of for starters right now:


 I choose to have a grateful, happy heart that is based on the Word of God, not my circumstances.


I choose to enjoy every single day God has left for me on this earth, thanking Him for the lovely gifts He has for me along the way .



I choose to recognize those gifts, particularly those wrapped in packaging that make them not seem like good gifts but they really are.
I choose to remember that this earth is not my real Home, just a temporary one: Heaven is and it’s right around the corner even if I live to 100.


I choose to be soft and tender in God’s Hands: allowing Him to teach me all the beautiful lessons He has for me along the way .


I choose to be a blessing and to reach out to others.


I choose not to give in to self pity and a self centered life.


I choose not to be a miserable person, especially when I am feeling miserable.


I choose to deal with sin and mistakes in my life God’s way.


I choose to forgive others and myself.  Everybody messes up sometimes, just like me.


I choose to be a peace maker.


I choose to tell people how great and wonderful God always is no matter what.


I choose to cultivate laughter and humor.


I choose God above everything else.

3 clips of baby humor:

Sarah Palin Shout Out to Nicholas Oliver:

At a White House breakfast for religious leaders, President Bush told the story of a little boy who offered up this simple prayer:  “God bless Mother and Daddy, my brother and sister; and God, do take care of Yourself because if anything happens to You, we’re all sunk.”

I got a chuckle out of this “Talking Dog Humor”:

Senior Pranksters:


Your Duck is Dead–  


A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid
her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to
the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly
said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”  


The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?” “Yes, I am sure. Your duck
is dead,” replied the vet..
“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any
testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”  


The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a
few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner
looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front
paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.  


The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few
minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and
also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on
its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. 


The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this
is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.” The vet turned to his
computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed
to the woman..  


The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried,
“$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”  


The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the
bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s
now $150.”


Humorous photos by John Pierce:


“State Humor”:

It’s so hot in Arizona, cows are giving evaporated milk and the trees are whistling for dogs. ;)
How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?
If it’d been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
What do they call 100 John Deeres circling a McDonald’s in Iowa?
Prom night.
What did the guy from Burlington Vermont say to the Pillsbury Doughboy?
“Hey, nice tan.”
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage.  The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, “Where were you on the night of October to April?”
Improv Everywhere;
Sports Humor:

A man goes on vacation and his brother agrees to housesit for him —
feeding the cat, picking up the newspapers and mail, watering the
plants, etc. After the first week goes by the vacationing brother
phones to check in.

“I’m sorry bro,” his brother at the house tells him almost
immediately, “but your cat died.”

“What!? What do you mean my cat died?! How could you tell me like
this? What kind of insensitive creep are you!? You need to prepare
someone for a shock like that!” exclaims the vacationing brother.

“How was I supposed to prepare you?” asks the man.

“Well,” says the brother, “first you should have told me, the cat is
on the roof. Then you should have said, but don’t worry, we’re calling
the fire department. Then the next time I called in to check you
should have said, the fire department was doing everything it could
and not to worry.

Then the next time I called you could tell me that the cat had fallen,
but not to worry — the vet was doing everything she could to
resuscitate him. Then, finally, after all that, you could have told
me, my cat had died. That’s how you break news like that.”

“You’re right, bro, I’m sorry. I should have been more sensitive
first,” said the housesitting brother, who really did feel bad about
it at this point.

His vacationing brother on the phone was quickly forgiving, “That’s
okay. I understand. So anyway, how’s everything else? How’s mom

“Mom?” says the man, “Mom is on the roof….”


My kids love it when we are goofy together, especially when I initiate it. The girls and I had fun doing the dinner trick in the top link in April  and dropping by and smiling at some neighbors.  Maybe we’ll do the “Whole Enchilada” another time :)

8-month-old boy laughing hysterically while at-home daddy rips up a job rejection letter.


Anita Renfroe’s Mom Song



Q.. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

  A.. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?

A.. German Shepherds.

Q.. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A.. Ruthless.  ;)


I was visiting my son last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

‘This is the 21st century,’ he said. ‘I don’t waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.’ 

I can tell you this; that ole’ fly never knew what hit him.”


”Only in  America…
do  drugstores make the sick
walk all  the way to the back of the store to  get their prescriptions while healthy  people can buy cigarettes at the  front.

Only in  America…
do people  order double
cheeseburgers,  large fries, and a Diet Coke.

Only  in America…
do  banks leave vault doors
open and  then chain the pens to the  counters.

Only in  America…do we leave cars worth thousands  of dollars in the driveway and put our  useless junk in the garage.

Only  in America…
do  we buy hot dogs in
packages  of ten and buns in packages of  eight.

Only  in America…
do  they have drive-up ATM  machines with Braille lettering.


Why  the sun lightens our hair,
but  darkens our  skin?

Why  can’t women  put  on mascara
with their  mouth closed?

Why  don’t you ever see the  headline
‘Psychic  Wins Lottery’?


Why  is ‘abbreviated’ such a long  word?

Why  is it that doctors call what they do  ’practice’?

Why  is lemon juice made with artificial  flavor,
and  dishwashing liquid made with real  lemons?

Why  is the man who invests all your  money
called a  broker?

Why  is the time of day with the slowest  traffic
called  rush hour?

Why  isn’t there mouse-flavored cat  food?

Why  didn’t Noah swat those two  mosquitoes?

You know that indestructible  black box that is used
on  airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole  plane
out of  that stuff?!

Why  don’t sheep shrink when it  rains?

Why  are they called apartments when  they
are all  stuck together?

If  con is the opposite of pro, is  Congress
the  opposite of progress?

If  flying is so safe,why do  they call the airport  the terminal?”


God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to

Him, “Lord, we don’t need you anymore. Science has finally

figured out a way to create life out of nothing. In other

words, we can now do what you did in the beginning.”

“Oh, is that so? Tell me…” replies God.

“Well,” says the scientist, “we can take dirt and

form it into the likeness of You and breathe life into it, thus

creating man.”

“Well, that’s interesting. Show me.”

So the scientist bends down to the earth and

starts to mold the soil.

“Oh no, no, no…” interrupts God, “Get your own dirt.”


Humor: Prank at Walmart



Some of my Favorite Cartoons, Signs, and Photos



Photo taken at a Relay For Life event by my friend.
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I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.






  NOT FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!Farewell and adios,  chemo.  I won’t miss you one teeny tiny bit. :)  –Paula 10-14-11  







 DESCRIPTION: Two computers chatting CAPTION: OH MY NO ... HUMANS DIDN'T INVENT US AT ALL ... WE EVOLVED FROM PLASTIC, WIRES, AND LITTLE MICRO THINGERS Copyright Gospel Communications International, Inc –



DESCRIPTION: Man plodding through water after Peter, who is running on top, and Moses, who has separated a nice track CAPTION: HOZEKIAH FOUND THIS RACE WITH MOSES AND PETER TO BE GROSSLY UNFAIR

  DESCRIPTION: Eve asking Adam to pick up his clothes, which are actually autumn leaves falling from the trees CAPTION: WILL YOU PLEASE PICK UP ALL YOUR CLOTHES?

DESCRIPTION: Man taking picture of self with Jesus in heaven.  Jesus talking to an angel. CAPTION: I'VE TRIED TO EXPLAIN THAT HE'S GOING TO BE WITH ME FOREVER, BUT HE JUST DOESN'T GET IT 



“Chemo induced Menopause Barbie

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind”


Q.. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

  A.. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.


“God gave you a gift of 86, 400 seconds today.  Have you used one to say ‘Thank you’”? (William Ward )Lord, every single gift comes from You…“Lift my gaze to see life from Your perspective. Help me to understand-and treasure-every good thing You send…”(From James 1:7)   My running list of His One Thousand Gifts to me:
924. “When praying for healing, ask great things of God and expect great
things from God. But let us seek for that healing that really matters,
the healing of the heart, enabling us to trust God simply, face God
honestly, and live triumphantly.”
~ Arlo F. Newell
925. From the Sacred Journey by Charles Foster: “Arrival is less important than the journey. This is because if the journey is a walk with Yahweh-man, there is an important sense in which you have arrived already. Yes, intimacy develops, but do you ever say of a relationship, “I’ve arrived”? Along the road there may be moments of epiphany but if not, that’s fine. Ecstasy isn’t of the essence of relationship. But expect things to happen. Your incremental shuffle along the road is an incremental edging forward of kingdom borders—it’s a restoration of broken things and a making of new things.”
926. Quotes from “I’ll Take Routine, Please” by Karen
“The visits to the oncologist’s office remind us without any doubt that we definitely had cancer, but we’re just coming back to see if “it’s” come back. Strange thing, that cancer. We come back to see if it has returned. Our limited minds conjure up all sorts of scenarios on the way to the office.

And what if it does come back? What will I do then? I don’t honestly know. But I guess for now – today – I’ll just keep doing what I do every day; I’ll trust in the Lord to take me through each struggle, every valley and every storm. Because when you really stop and think about it, even our most challenging days, our troubling pasts, and our difficult moments are all part of His plan to draw us closer to Him. Nothing surprises God. Praise God that our routine days – as well as those that weigh us down – remind us that we’re in this together, with Him holding our hand. “
927. Direct quotes from Sarah from her blog
“Pretty much I love the life God has given me…however trying it may currently be. My life is not my own and I know now more than I ever have God has bigger and better plans for me than I could have ever imagined 🙂 ” 
“I can’t tell you that I’ve gotten a clear message about how God is gonna use me in all this……I can only hope that my struggle will be for his glory and for his name sake.  I hope that when people look at me they don’t see me but they see Jesus because without him I would have been dead a long time ago.  
… in times of trial is when my faith has been tested and I have cried out “Why me?”……I did not ask for this burden but I know that my father’s will is greater than my own and I trust him with everything I am.”
Luke 22:42
“Father if you are willing take this cup from me; yet not my will, but your be done”
 “…like a wise woman once told me,’ don’t cheat someone out of their blessing and it blesses people to bless you.”
“The way I see it is if you don’t think I’m gonna make it then your not on my team and I need people who believe in me to be on my team.”
“…I will walk in there tomorrow morning not of my own strength but because my father walks with me and he has promised never to leave me even when I feel alone.” 

928. Einstein says Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.”
929. “Be yourself.  Everyone else is taken.”

930. “If God sends us stony paths, He provides strong shoes.” — Corrie ten Boom


931. Poem and excerpt below are from He Provides the Shoes, Walking with God through Breast Cancer By Karen Holmes



implies more than you think.
Look closely now,
and don’t even blink.
If we “dissect” the letters,
what do we see?
MOTHER in the midst of

It’s a robber of strength;
our dignity is lost,
We guard our children,
no matter the cost.
Our bodies betray us;
instinctively we reckon,
We’re MOTHERS first,
and cancer survivors second.

“As expected, but nonetheless extremely emotionally upsetting, shortly after my first dose of chemotherapy, my shoulder-length thick curly hair began to fall out in small clumps. The entry below describes my feelings surrounding my own head-shaving ordeal, an act meticulously performed by my lovely beautician (p. 50):

“Then I heard her click it on and the telltale buzzing sound began. I had the crazy thought that it was like some great mutant insect descending on my head intent on destroying my hair like some biblical plague. I clenched my teeth to shore up my resolve, and then I forced myself to open my eyes and watch with a sort of fascinated horror as the shaving of my head commenced. When it was over I felt as if I’d been through a rite of passage: ‘Your head has been shaved! You’ve now entered the Land of Cancer. Please exit to your left.'”


932. Nicholas and I leave on Wednesday for his long awaited high school graduation gift: a trip to Washington D.C. for the Values Voter Summit.  Thank YOU Lord for this gift of special time with my son.  Nicholas loves politics and the time in D.C. will be a dream come true for him.  🙂  I am so grateful that I am strong, healthy, and able to share this adventure with him, doing something of great interest to him.

Deuteronomy 31:6–my personal application relating to cancer is in parenthesis below.  I know it is out of context but a comfort for me to consider God’s heart in the recorded “fear nots” of the Bible and how I might apply them to my life, particularly when anxious thoughts bug me.

King James Version (KJV)

Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them:(hey, cancer cells could be applied here)  for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Deuteronomy 31:6

The Message (MSG)

“Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them (anxious thoughts) a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6

New International Version (NIV)

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, (ANYTHING) for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6

Good News Translation (GNT)

Be determined and confident. Do not be afraid of them. (Future “What ifs”, uncertainties about the unknown) Your God, the Lord himself, will be with you. He will not fail you or abandon you.”

934.  Joy’s and Hannah’s extraordinarily fun time with Miss Daisy and 4 other girls yesterday learning baking skills at her “Cupcake Bakeoff”.  Neato!


“No one can go back and make a brand new Start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new Ending.”

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?

A.. German Shepherds.

Photo taken at a Relay For Life event by my friend.



“God gave you a gift of 86, 400 seconds today.  Have you used one to say ‘Thank you’”? (William Ward )Lord, every single gift comes from You…“Lift my gaze to see life from Your perspective. Help me to understand-and treasure-every good thing You send…”(From James 1:7)   My running list of His One Thousand Gifts to me:
917. “Live every day like its your last . . . one day you’ll be right.”
918. Thinking through “Hope” and what it means to me and the fun of adding to Sharon’s collection with a creative card made by Joy
H olding on tight to Jesus no matter what things look like
O ptomism because God is always up to something good in my life
P erserverence in the midst of sorrows and joys
E ncouragement in His Word
919. “Being diagnosed of cancer comes with a lot of uncertainties. It comes with a baggage that is bound to test your very character. Cancer is not the end of your life; it actually marks a new beginning. You should not let this disease rule over your life. It has to be fought, not feared. It can be handled and it can be battled with. Many people have done it, many people have survived it, and so can you…you are not alone in this fight.” —Unknown author
920. From Ovie’s note:

“God’s Word is an immovable anchor in times of storm.”  “We learn more in our valley experiences than on our mountaintops.”  “No Christian has ever been called to ‘go it alone’ in his or her walk of faith.”  “Prayer is life’s greatest time saver.”  “The dark moments of our life will last only so long as is necessary for God to accomplish His purpose in us.”  “Trusting God means looking beyond what we can see to what God sees.”  “Adversity is a bridge to a deeper relationship with God.”…..Touch Ministries.

922. “No one can go back and make a brand new Start. Anyone can start from
now and make a brand new Ending.”

923. Isaiah 41:10   New Life Version

Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will give you strength, and for sure I will help you. Yes, I will hold you up with My right hand that is right and good.
Isaiah 41:10   Amplified Version
Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice.
Isaiah 41:10   New King James
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Isaiah 41:10   New Living Translation
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Isaiah 41:10    King James Version
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. 

This morning I am thinking through living in such a way that I am “fearing NOT” and  how I can start from now and create a brand new ending,



“Faith Does Not Eliminate Questions. But Faith Knows Where to Take Them”

Q.. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A.. Ruthless.

“God gave you a gift of 86, 400 seconds today.  Have you used one to say ‘Thank you’”? (William Ward )Lord, every single gift comes from You…“Lift my gaze to see life from Your perspective. Help me to understand-and treasure-every good thing You send…”(From James 1:7)   My running list of His One Thousand Gifts to me: 
“That’s My King”:  “Wow, what a God we serve! Preach it, Brother!” 🙂
912. “Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit” (Jeremiah 17:7-8).

913.  Yesterday we put an offer in on a lovely short sale home in a great neighborhood.  We made it above the asking price as 3 other prospective buyers were also submitting their best offers at the same time.  We did not get it as someone else’s offer was higher.  I am confident that house was not the house for us even though it looked like the best one yet.  I am praying for Him to open and shut doors for a home for our family according to His will so I am counting this “no” as a loving gift.  I am asking God for the house of HIS choosing —HIS BEST for us in HIS time.  We’d sure appreciate prayer about this.

Saw this blurb:
Excerpt from the new Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing by Sally Lloyd-Jones

In the beginning, God sang everything into being—for the joy of it—and set the whole universe dancing.

God was in the center, at the heart of everything.
Like the dance of the planets before the sun—turning, spinning, circling, wheeling, revolving, orbiting around and around—God made everything in his world and in his universe and in his children’s hearts to center around him—in a wonderful Dance of Joy!

It’s the Dance you were born for.

“The morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy.” JOB 38:7 (KJV)

915. Joy flies home from Vt today!  Yippeeee!  I am so happy that she had this grand adventure with her ChaChas and am so happy to have our Sunshine Girl back with us.  We missed her.  🙂

Copied and pasted from  I highly reccommend Lynn Eib’s books to anyone facing cancer or has a loved one going through it.  She has blessed my socks off as I’ve read her books the last few months!
“Dear friend, I wish you well on your-or your loved one’s-journey with cancer.
I wish you a heart that has found the right attitude-a positive, realistic attitude.
I wish you a mind that has found peace-by replacing worries with better thoughts and by focusing on the present and not on the “what-ifs” of the future.
And I wish you a soul that has found hope-a hope based on the God of all Creation, who gives life true meaning.

God can make blessing come from cancer when God and cancer meet, but we have to let Him choose the blessing.

On the fifth anniversary of my cancer surgery, I wrote the following poem summing up what my journey with cancer has taught me:

When your world is crashing down around you, trust Him.
When what is unfolding doesn’t make sense, trust Him.
When you see no light at the end of the tunnel, trust Him.
When your silent tears spill down, trust Him.
When the pain refuses to subside, trust Him.
When your heart screams, “Why?” trust Him.
When you have more questions than answers, trust Him.
When the devil tells you otherwise, trust Him.
When it’s the last thing you feel like doing, trust Him.
When there’s simply nothing else to do, trust Him.

Be encouraged: God can be trusted in all things . . . even cancer”.

Copyright Lynn Eib 2002. Excerpted from When God & Cancer Meet: True stories of hope & healing.

He Knows Best How to Bless Me Through the Trials


“God gave you a gift of 86, 400 seconds today.  Have you used one to say ‘Thank you’”? (William Ward )Lord, every single gift comes from You…“Lift my gaze to see life from Your perspective. Help me to understand-and treasure-every good thing You send…”(From James 1:7)   My running list of His One Thousand Gifts to me:
906.  “I can’t tell you how, when, or where God will bring a blessing through your trial of suffering.  But I can tell you why–because His Word promises He will.  Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose”.
  God will bring a blessing through your trial because you matter greatly to Him and He longs to show you that.  He may bless you with physical healing, or He may bless you by healing you emotionally of some deep-seated hurts.  He may bless you spiritually with the joy of knowing Him in a way you never have before.  Or He may bless others through you in unimaginable ways.
  My blessing from cancer is certainly not the one I sought, but because God knows me and loves me, He knew how to bless me.”
(Quote from When God and Cancer Meet by Lynn Eib)
907. Joy’s happy and thrilling adventures with ChaCha Kath and ChCha Pris in Vermont this week
908. Kelley’s good biopsy report on her lymph nodes
Let Him be the unfaltering faithful God, willing to strengthen us for any and every circumstance.
Let Him be the incredibly sovereign God, wise enough to know how and when to answer every prayer.
Let Him be the mighty awesome God that he is, powerful enough to heal us at any and every level–powerful enough to heal…our body, mind, and spirit.”
(Quote from When God and Cancer Meet by Lynn Eib)
He knows best how to bless me through the trials,