One Abraxane Infusion Down, Four To Go

Paula

 

Did You Know You’re Contagious?

(Copied and pasted from: http://girlfriendsingod.com/know-youre-contagious/)

Thanks for passing this along, Becky!

by Sharon Jaynes

Today’s Truth

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Philippians 4:4

Friend to Friend

“Have you ever noticed just how contagious grumbling is? Someone complains, and the next thing you know you’ve joined in and are complaining right along with them.

How do you think that grumbling started with the children of Israel in the wilderness? I think it went like this. One person picked up her manna for the day and said, “You know, I’m sick of this manna.” Then someone else picked up his and said, “Come to think about it, I’m sick of it too.” Then a neighbor agreed and it spread, and it spread, and it spread. Next thing you know 2 million people are grumbling and complaining. Then a sea of ingrates wandered around the desert for forty years.

But just as grumbling ingratitude is infectious, so is grateful gratitude. One day I was in the airport headed to New Jersey. It was a typical rush, rush, rush morning. Grab the bags, trudge through traffic, hunt for a parking space, follow the herd, wade through security, dash to the gate.

Folks aren’t usually very friendly in airports. Eyes look straight ahead. Purposed feet slap the floor. Overstuffed bags roll behind. It’s not that people are grumpy. They’re just “flatish.” (That’s a new word for today.)

On this particular morning, I looked just like everyone else. “Flatish.”

Before settling in at my gate, I decided to make one last trip to the restroom. I’m so glad I did. It was one of the most joy-filled places I had been in a long time.

Gretchen, the “hostess” for this privy, donned a silly little hat on her head with whimsical feathers waving about the top. If it wasn’t for the official attendant’s vest she was wearing, I might have thought she was on her way to Mardi Gras. With a spray bottle in one hand and a cloth in the other, Gretchen welcomed each “guest” into her “home.” “Come right this way,” she cheered as she opened a stall door for her next visitor.

A woman in a green jacket exited a stall and Gretchen swooped in behind her. Squirt, squirt, squirt with the disinfectant. Wipe, wipe, wipe with her cloth.

“Right this way, madam,” she motioned to the next person in line, “This one is ready for you! Come right in!”

With all the poise of a valet opening the castle doors for a person of honor, Gretchen welcomed each woman as if she were the most important person in her day. I stood back and watched as this 5-foot-5-inch bundle of joy wiped off toilet seats and cheerfully invited her next guest into the pristine stalls. Gretchen had an effervescent sense of joy … wiping toilet seats. It seemed to come from a deep-seated heart of gratitude. And it spilled over to every single woman who left her station.

Women entered weary and worn and left with a skip in their step and a smile on their face. Some even lingered…as if they wanted to soak in just a little bit more before facing the world. I was one of them.

On the counter rested a tip jar filled to the brim with thanks. But I don’t think the “tips” were for wiping the germs away from the toilet seats, but for wiping the doldrums away from their hearts and frowns off of their faces. And for some strange reason, I just wanted to give Gretchen a hug. I did. She didn’t mind.

Gretchen reminded me just how contagious gratitude and joy can be, and how desperately I want to be a carrier. I hope you do too.

Let’s Pray

God, I am so thankful today. Thank You for eyes that see, ears that hear, lips that speak, legs that walk, and arms that hug. Thank You that I have a roof over my head, shoes on my feet, and food in my pantry. I pray You will set a guard over the door of my mouth so that no grumbling will escape its threshold. Help me be a contagious carrier of gratitude.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn

Get a piece of paper and write the numbers 1-100 down the left-hand side.

Then write down 10 things you are thankful for by numbers 1-10.

Tuck the list into your Bible and add to the list as things you are grateful for come to

mind.

When you get to 100, email me at

Sharon@sharonjaynes.com and say, I made it to 100! (my note: I’d love to hear about it here in the replies too if you have time!  Cultivating gratefulness is a real game changer in our lives, huh?)

More From the Girlfriends

Do you long for something more in your relationship with God? Do you have a “glory ache”—a hunger to experience God’s presence on a daily basis? The good news is that God wants that even more than you do. Right smack dab in the spin of the laundry and the sizzle of the bacon—as you live and more and have your being in Him. Dust for His fingerprints on the pages of your everyday life. My bookA Sudden Glory: God’s Lavish Response to Your Ache for Something More will show you how. Click on the link to read a sample chapter. I think you’ll be hooked. It also includes a study guide and free online Bible study videos.

Plans For Abraxane to Replace Taxol Today

 

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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!” The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday. 

 

 

A big thanks to my Joy for sharing this with me:

“Anchored in Love through the Storms of Life”: an interview with Bethany Hamilton (23 mins).  I love Bethany’s life story which was re-ecacted in the excellent movie “Soul Surfer”.

 

Psalm 73:26 (NLT)

26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
    but God remains the strength of my heart;
    he is mine forever.

Psalm 73:26 (NKJV)

26 My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26-28(MSG)

When my skin sags and my bones get brittle,
    God is rock-firm and faithful.

Psalm 63:1-4 (NLT)

O God, you are my God;
    I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
    my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
    where there is no water.
I have seen you in your sanctuary
    and gazed upon your power and glory.
Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
    how I praise you!
I will praise you as long as I live,
    lifting up my hands to you in prayer.

Today as far as I know is Day #1 of a new chemo.  First I’ll have an appointment with my oncologist later this morning, then the plans as of now are for me to get Abraxane instead of Taxol.  I looked it up.  My knee jerk response each time I research these oncology drugs is “YIKES” and “”Please help me, God”.  The terrible bad things that could potentially happen directly because of the drugs themselves (but may or may not) is daunting to say the least. Abraxane is listed as a drug for different kinds of cancer: lung, pancreatic, and metastitic breast cancer.  I do not have metastatic breast cancer, as in it has not spread to other organs to the best of our knowledge gleaned from a bunch of tests.  This go-round is considered a second primary cancer but because I had allergic reactions to Taxol we are making the switch-a-roo to a “cousin” of Taxol that hopefully my body will tolerate much, much better.

Please pray that I will be brave.  This is scarey stuff.   I am asking God to give me all the courage and grace that I need and to live my life in HIS strength which I know to be more than sufficient.  I wish I was not going through this great. big mess and making decisions like trading one toxic drug for another but I am counting on the truth of Romans 8:28, that God works ALL THINGS together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  My heart’s desire is for the rest of the treatment to be extraordinarily effective and well tolerated, hopefully with minimal to no side effects if such a thing is possible and that the cancer will be gone for good. It would be lovely if I could have all smooth-sailing, uneventful chemo and Herceptin infusions from now on without the nurses and oncologist needing to rush to my side again with IV push drugs, etc. My times are in His Hands and that’s a good place to be no matter the outcome or what He allows or does not allow.  I am asking God to help me keep my eyes on Him, train me to grab a hold of His Hand and not let go, and to flood my heart with peace and full trust in Him, no matter what.

So very glad to be His beloved daughter,

Paula

Yikes-a-Roozy on Chemo “5”

 

 I Won’t Let Go Lyrics:

It’s like a storm
That cuts a path
It’s breaks your will
It feels like that

You think you’re lost
But your not lost on your own
You’re not alone

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
If you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won’t let go

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it’s dark
This part of life
Oh it finds us all (finds us all)
And we’re too small
To stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won’t let you fall

Don’t be afraid to fall
I’m right here to catch you
I won’t let you down
It won’t get you down
You’re gonna make it
Yeah I know you can make it

‘Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won’t let go
Oh I’m gonna hold you
And I won’t let go
Won’t let you go
No I won’t

My “WOW(s) yesterday:
An unexpected stellar Complete Blood Count which I attribute completely as a specific answer to the prayers of many. Thank you to those who prayed with me about this. The oncologist had not wanted to start bone marrow stimulation with Neupogen and I’m glad that he didn’t afterall.  There was no logical reason for the counts to improve so much after the trend of progressively increasing decline with the other treatments and no medical intervention other than one skipped chemo a couple weeks ago, but for God:
WBC 5.5 from 2.7 (normal 4.2 -10)
ANC (Absolute Neutrophil Count 3.5 from 1.1 (norma1 1.5 -6.5)
Hgb staying steady around 11.9 (normal 12 -16)
Hct ”              ”              ”         34.3 (normal 37 – 47)
Platelet rising to 268 (normal 140 – 440)
My WOWs also included blessings galore via Jacque, Ruth, and my family and nice chats with nurses and patients
My POW yesterday was a reaction to Taxol which necessitated it being  stopped after running slowly for 8 minutes following  the pre-meds of Decadron, Pepcid, Benadryl, and an anti-nausea drug .  I had something similar happen the time before but it was much milder, short lived, and resolved on it’s own that time. The reaction yesterday was honestly kind of scarey to me but it was resolved pretty quickly by stopping the chemo and giving additional steroid and more Benadryl IV push, bundling me up in blankets, heat packs to my arm pits and an ice pack to my low back. I must have looked like some kind of sick Abonimable Snowman in a recliner or something 😉
CHOW: I especially enjoyed the gift of a tasty, nourishing soup with lots of love sprinkled in there
My oncologist was off today and one of his partners saw me and intervened along with the nurses.  I should get input from my  oncologist next week to see if we will do another trial of Taxol with more pre-meds or switch to another chemo protocol
“Nothing you could ever experience, no matter how terrible or frightening, could ever separate you from the love of God. No tribulation and distress you might ever suffer could be so intense that God’s love for you is not even more fervent. No persecution could be so painful that God’s love cannot bring comfort. Famine might starve you of food, but you will never hunger for the Father’s love. Poverty cannot strip you of God’s compassion, just as even death itself is incapable of robbing you of your heavenly Father’s infinite love.If you base your view of God’s love on your circumstances, you will become confused. There may be times when you will ask, “How could a loving God allow this to happen to me?” You may begin to question what you find clearly stated in the Word of God. God promised that you would never be separated from His love; He did not say that you would never face hardship, persecution, poverty, or danger. If you doubt that God could love you and still allow you to experience difficult experiences, consider the life of Jesus.

If you allow the death of Jesus on the cross to forever settle any questions you might have about God’s love, you will approach difficult circumstances with confidence. Knowing that there will never be anything that could separate you from God’s perfect love, you will watch to see how God expresses His love in each circumstance. Don’t ever judge God’s love based on your circumstances. Instead, evaluate your circumstances from the perspective of God’s love.”

—Unknown Author

Romans 8:35-39

New Living Translation (NLT)

35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”[a]) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

WOW/POW/CHOW

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Matthew 6:25-34(NKJV)

Do Not Worry.

25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

 

 

Do not fear.

Isaiah 41:10 (NKJV)

10 Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Do not lose hope.

Jeremiah 29:11(NLT)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

 

 

 

Our family does a fun little converstion starter sometimes at supper or at the end of the day.  The girls brought home the idea from http://campkesem.org/ during their “Cabin Chats” and it’s called WOW/POW/CHOW.  Perhaps you guys might like to try it in your own families.  Here’s mine from yesterday:

 

WOW{highlight(s) of the day}:  Light-hearted time with Joy trying on hats, scarves, and wigs,  a short brisk walk in the fresh air and sunshine with John and our dog Marley, feeling well when decorating the Christmas tree while listening to beautiful Christmas music, a nice snuggle with my Hannah Banana, and the spark of joy my Aeroponic/hydroponic Tower Garden loaded with pea pods and blossoms right now brings me.  I love watching veggies and flowers grow!

peas1 peas2 peas3

 

POW {hard thing(s) of the day}: I felt awful yesterday from chemo effects: exhausted, body/bone aches, hair shedding like crazy all day, and vomiting (thankfully yesterday was the first day on that one).

 

CHOW {favorite food(s) of the day}  We’ve been blessed with  scrump-dee-a-licious papayas from my friend’s tree (THX again, Nita!).  Because of the low WBC count and precautions I am taking to reduce bacterial exposure,  I soak produce with skin on in vinegar water then peel it,  mostly cooking produce now because of risk of infection but I enjoyed the papaya raw.  YUMMERS!

 

Let’s be watching for God’s Fingerprints today!  :0)

Paula

 

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Never A Bad Hair Day Part Two

hair-1 hair-2

This is what my tub has looked like after my showers these past few days and I’m shedding hair all over the place it seems.  I’m sorry if these photos are too gross/TMI–somehow it helps to share my journey.  I may ask my family to help me with a buzz cut soon like we did last time because it is less distressing and more empowering (and less of a mess!) to take charge of the inevitable sometimes.  I’m still waiting a bit to see if I’m going to get to keep any significant amount of hair before a drastic buzz cut since my oncologist told me that weekly Taxol might possibly just “thin my hair out” rather than render me completely bald. My pillowcase is loaded with hair and I have some see-through spots to a shiny scalp this morning.

 

Today I got to thinking about a funny anecdote someone else came up with that I love and shared in my blog back in 2011 http://jpoliver.com/wordpress/archives/425 I just pulled up the link to my 9/23/2011 post and am copying and pasting my thoughts from back then below to share with you guys and for me to ponder and chew on again.

 I continue to be a “Work in Progress” through all this cancer stuff and the twists, turns, and bumps of life.  The process of surrendering and releasing all sorts of details to God besides my hair these days continues. The Lord is not finished with me or any of us yet!   May we be like soft, supple clay in our loving Potter’s Hands, yielded and still as He molds and shapes us and conforms us to the image of His Son through the tools of His choosing.  He is the One Who can bring beauty from ash heaps and joy after mourning (Isiah 61:3).

 

 

Never a Bad Hair Day 🙂

“A woman with breast cancer, going through the rigors of chemo,  woke up one morning,
looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs left on her head.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘I think I’ll braid my hair today.’
So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror
and saw that she had only two hairs remaining on her head.
‘H-M-M,’ she said, ‘I think I’ll part my hair down the middle today.’
So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed
that she had only one lonely hair on her head, hanging on for dear life.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘Today I’m going to wear my hair in a pony tail.’
So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and
noticed that there wasn’t a single hair on her head.
‘YAY!’ she exclaimed. ‘I don’t have to fix my hair today!’”

I got a good chuckle out of this funny, wise little story. 🙂

 My “take-away” and challenge to myself is to reflect on what attitude I am going to choose along this path God has me on. Here’s some I can think of for starters right now:

 

 I choose to have a grateful, happy heart that is based on the Word of God, not my circumstances.

 

I choose to enjoy every single day God has left for me on this earth, thanking Him for the lovely gifts He has for me along the way .

 

I choose to recognize those gifts, particularly those wrapped in packaging that make them not seem like good gifts but they really are.
 
I choose to remember that this earth is not my real Home, just a temporary one: Heaven is and it’s right around the corner even if I live to 100.

 

I choose to be soft and tender in God’s Hands: allowing Him to teach me all the beautiful lessons He has for me along the way .

 

I choose to be a blessing and to reach out to others.

 

I choose not to give in to self pity and a self centered life.

 

I choose not to be a miserable person, especially when I am feeling miserable.

 

I choose to deal with sin and mistakes in my life God’s way.

 

I choose to forgive others and myself.  Everybody messes up sometimes, just like me.

 

I choose to be a peace maker.

 

I choose to tell people how great and wonderful God always is no matter what.

 

I choose to cultivate laughter and humor.

 

I choose God above everything else.

 

 Father, please help me to make good choices.  I know I can only do this in Your strength.  I know how prone I am to wander and to grab stuff in my life back and even though it’s foolish and dumb to do that,  I still do it.  Please take over completely.  Please be in total charge of everything having to do with me and my life–I’m 100% Yours.

 

 Lord, every single good gift comes from You…
(From James 1:7) My ongoing  One Thousand Gifts   http://www.aholyexperience.com/ Gratefulness List:
 
277. The relief of again giving full control of my life over to God.  Help me to keep giving myself back to You, moment by moment, Lord!
278.  The funny, wise story of the lady with 3 hairs left and my take-away on the choices I desire to make and will make, in His strength, with Him in charge
279. Mom, Bets, and Heidi coming to visit next week!  Hooray!
280. He’s given me His peace.  My heart never needs to be troubled or afraid (John 14:27)
 
God’s beloved bald-headed Paula
 
“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. 
Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27

Chemo “#4” Visit and Cancer Cup Song

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Here’s a Cup-Song that my daughters and I  might possibly try to adapt and personalize some time:

 

John and I just had a marvelous, grand ole’ time with his Step Dad and Mom, who so generously and lovingly  shared a wonderfully fun, restful respite at a resort with us, beginning Sunday and ending with my appointment at the oncology department on Wednesday morning on our way home.  I went in for what’s officially considered my 4th round of chemo visit (although #3  was skipped completely because of my blood work and wont be made up as per my oncologist). I guess many patients end up with a course of 9 or 10 Taxol infusions instead of the full 12 because of side effects.

 

My low white blood count and Absolute Neutrophil Counts went up just a little bit from the week before and are still significantly low.  This makes me very vulnerable to infection and possible complications with a compromised immune system.  Considering how much of a hit my blood work seems to take with each chemo along with the neuropathy issues which tend to be cumulative,  I can not imagine that my white count will be high enough to get chemo next week, but we’ll see.  One piece of good news was that I did not have a reaction to the Herceptin I’ll be getting every three weeks for a year,  like I did with the loading dose three weeks ago, and my neuropathy improved some with the one week break in between chemotherapy.

 

I am shedding a lot of hair now and expect that I’ll end up with either a very thinned out hair-do or be sporting a completely bald look under hats, scarves, and wigs when I am away from home  like last time.  Head coverings usually got whipped off promptly in the privacy of my  home.  I’ll never forget the wide-eyed, shocked looks on the faces of guests the few times when I forgot to cover up my bald head before opening my front door, ha, ha! Maybe I’ll get brave and sport an “as- is chemo look”  from time to time with a shiny, see-through to the scalp, bright lipstick and big earrings in public,  I dunno.  🙂 Some women really rock that look but I’m pretty sure that’s not “my thing” to do in public but ya never know, I might give it a try.  I know there’s no right or wrong way to do this but it helped me in the past to choose to have fun with it with a variety of head decor and make up and jewelry I usually don’t wear.

 

I’ve been thinking that all this cancer stuff  kind of feels like being “between a rock and a hard place”.  Seeing as Jesus is my Rock though, that is a very good place to be.  I’ve shared it before, but my favorite poem comes to mind:

 

“Sometimes on the Rock I tremble

Faint of heart and weak of knee

But the Steadfast Rock of Ages

Never trembles under me.”

 

But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

God has numbered the hairs on each and every one of our heads!  I love to remember that He knows all about my blood work, neuropathy, long term lack of sleep,  cancer situation, and everything about everything and He loves me and cares about every detail.

I also love that God is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS up to something good in our lives: always and no matter what!

Thank you for continuing to pray for me and my precious family.  We really appreciate it.

Paula

 

 

Skipping Chemo #3

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Happy Thanksgiving Funny Memes Turkey

Image result for turkey sunbathing cartoonImage result for thanksgiving cartoon

 

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I went in for chemo #3 today but was given a skip because my white count is too low to get the infusion safely because of the risk of infection, etc.  This will also give me another week off to help with the neuropathy in my feet and toes. My newest fashion statement in my wardrobe is a face mask when I’m out in public now.  🙂

I’ve been giving some thought to this quote:

“Most people have practiced hitting the notes of bitterness, sourness, hurt feelings, and frustration so long that their soul finds the discordant notes easily, almost without thought.  But you don’t have to keep on practicing discord: you can practice joy and thanksgiving just as easily, and certainly with more pleasure.  Every day, every right response makes the fingers of your soul find the notes of joy and thanksgiving easier and easier.”—Pearl

 

My take-away:

For every right response ….. practicing joy, thanksgiving, and contentment when my  emotions would choose opposite because of circumstance…every day, every right response will make the fingers of my soul find the notes of joy, thanksgiving, and contentment easier and easier.

 

This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.

 

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJpwgjPS9Kw

“This is My Fight Song, Take Back my Life Song”

 

Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow, everybody!!!!

With gratefulness to the One from Whom all blessings flow,

Paula

“When Does the ‘Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me’ Part of Cancer Begin?”

Image result for cartoons breast cancer

 

I understand where this lady in the cartoon  is coming from and am counting on Romans 8:28 for the “Good part of cancer”…  “The best thing that ever happened to me” part.  On the way to chemo #2/12  today I had an unusual thought about a book that  I read to my children and they read to me over and over when they were little and learning to read many years ago (They are now 23, 19,and 17–WOW, how time FLIES!). Here’s how my adapted version of Dr Seuss’  Green Eggs and Ham went in my head:

 

I would not like cancer or chemo
here or there.
I would not like them
anywhere.
I do not like
cancer or chemo
I do not like them,
Sam-I-am…and never will!

 

At the risk of sounding negative:

Honestly,I.REALLY.hate.all. this. cancer.stuff!  I’d put it in the yukky, mean, nasty, and doesn’t-fight-fair Category of Life.

 

I can say this same exact thing at the risk of being authentic since my heart is like Saran Wrap before God anyway and I can be real and bring all these circumstances and emotions before Him and pour out my heart before Him.

 

I prayed that my IV treatment today would be uneventful other than total eviction of cancer from my body going on and it all went smoothly.  I am receiving excellent, attentive care and thorough patient education through this process. While there, I get to catch up on a little reading and enjoy chatting with my DH and wonderful nurses and inspiring fellow cancer and blood disease warriors when I and others are not napping  from the IV Benadryl and other pre-meds.   Tonight I am very weary but all keyed up from the IV steroid and my feet are more numb and the tips of my toes feel like they have been burned: more neuropathy.  I DO NOT LIKE THIS, SAM-I-AM!!!!  And so I say, “For this I have Jesus”, and He says to me, “For this you have me”.  Please God, defend my healthy cells, I sure can’t do that, and in Your grace, please make all the side effects that happen to me temporary and not permanent.

 

 

Romans 8:28 (NLT)

28 And we know that God causes everything to work together[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

 

This beautiful song encouraged me today.  I think you’ll be glad if you listen to it:

 

“I Am Not Alone”

When I walk through deep waters
I know that You will be with me
When I’m standing in the fire
I will not be overcome
Through the valley of the shadow
I will not fear[x2:]
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave meIn the midst of deep sorrow
I see Your light is breaking through
The dark of night will not overtake me
I am pressing into You
Lord, You fight my every battle
And I will not fear[x2:]
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me[x4:]
You amaze me
Redeem me
You call me as Your ownYou’re my strength
You’re my defender
You’re my refuge in the storm
Through these trials
You’ve always been faithful
You bring healing to my soul[x6:]
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me

Meditating on the truth of Romans 8:28,

Paula

Update:  Joy found this online:

Inline image 1

I guess lots of people have the same thought as me, Sam-I-Am!

More valuable to God Than a Whole Flock of Sparrows or a Million Canaries

 

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

(Thanks for the smile, Onecia!)

 

Last week Joy and I went to the hairdressers.  She donated 10 inches of her beautiful blonde hair to Pantene’s Beautiful Lengths program for free wigs for cancer patients in my honor http://pantene.com/en-us/experience-main-section2/beautiful-lengths which meant a lot to me, and I got mine cut shortish in prep for the transition of it either thinning or going bald. Waves have popped out at this length which is kind of fun. Internet info says to plan on complete hair loss with Taxol.   I am preparing for bald-as-an-eagle all over my body like last time (except I still had to shave my legs–what a kicker on that one, huh?!) and that way I’ll look at it as a special blessing and a gift if I get to keep any hair after chemo.   I’m not typically a “butt shakin’ gal” but here’s my Bald-Headed Blue song to sing and dance to this morning, the day before chemo #2 :

 

“If you do not like my peach, you can not rub my fuzz” Ha, ha!

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, I’m still here and standin’ tall…It’s hair today and gone tomorrow.  I can let it down the drain or I can wallow in the sorrow.  Dance with death or dance with life: which one do I choose?”

I choose life, that’s what I choose!

 

 

Luke 12:7 (NLT)

And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.

 

Luke 12:7(MSG)

6-7 “What’s the price of two or three pet canaries? Some loose change, right? But God never overlooks a single one. And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head! So don’t be intimidated by all this bully talk. You’re worth more than a million canaries.

 

Prayer Requests:

Starting over the weekend and since then I’ve been hit with a number of various and sundry chemo side effects.  The most concerning are neuropathy symptoms.  I started the first round of chemo last week with existing mild residual neuropathy in my feet. In 2011 I stopped at 5 out of the 6 planned treatments with Taxotare and Carboplatin because of the resulting significant  neuropathy  in my hands, feet, and face which mostly did resolve over time thankfully.  Back then it also made my eyes and face twitch which was challenging and caused occasional involuntary drooling—not my cup-o-tea to say the least! I was so happy when God healed that part up!!!

 

Because I already have neuropathy at the get-go, it  puts me at greater risk of it’s impact during the planned 12 weekly  IV doses of Taxol.   Apparently many patients have to stop early with weekly Taxol and skip some doses because of it. I wish chemo didn’t attack the healthy parts of my body along with cancer cells (and side effects tend to be cumulative) but it’s already doing that and I’m sure feeling it.  I feel rather defenseless and helpless to protect myself from the difficult effects of chemo, like neuropathy.    I know without a doubt that God can defend my healthy cells and make the cancerous ones die and heal me completely…and yet: if that is not his plan for me, I know He is ALWAYS up to something good in my life and I can trust Him with ALL He allows, and that He will give me His strength and grace…always and no matter what.

 

Thank you all for praying!  It means so much to me to have your support and folks cheering me on.  It really helps, thank you!  🙂

 

Paula

Chemo 1 out of 12 Today

Image result for christian positive affirmations during chemo

 

2 Chronicles 20: 12, 15,17. “For we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon YOU.” “Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s.” “You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf…”

 

 

John and I are heading off for me  to get  chemo #1 out of 12 shortly.

 

 

I have been meditating on these beautiful verses above since I read them yesterday in an email from a family also battling cancer.  This Scripture is bringing me great comfort and strength.

 

 

I would so appreciate it if you would keep me in your prayers!

 

Gratefully His,

 

Paula