A Turkey’s Lament
When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of ….. Black November;
“Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you’ll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you’ll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin.
“And then one morning, when you’re warm in your bed,
In’ll burst the farmer’s wife, and hack off your head;
“Then she’ll pluck out all your feathers so you’re bald’n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin’ in the sink,
“And then comes the worst part” he said not bluffing,
“She’ll spread you open and pack you with stuffing”.
Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,
And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I’d have to lay low and remain overlooked;
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola,
And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes,
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;
But ’twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;
And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;
So now I’m a pet in the farmer’s wife’s lap;
I haven’t a worry, so I eat and I nap,
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said “Christmas is coming……..”
Q: In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated?
* * *
Q: If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one?
* * *
Q: What was the turkey suspected of?
A: Fowl play.
* * *
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Is turkey soup good for you?
Not if you’re the turkey
Why did the person quit smoking cold turkey?
Because the feathers made him cough.
Why did the turkey bolt down its food?
Because it was a gobbler.
What do turkeys like to eat on Thanksgiving?
Nothing, they’re already stuffed.
Did you hear about the conservative turkey?
It had two right wings.
May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey be plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a turkey?
Drumsticks for everybody!
“God gave you a gift of 86, 400 seconds today. Have you used one to say ‘Thank you’”? (William Ward ) Lord, every single gift comes from You…“Lift my gaze to see life from Your perspective. Help me to understand-and treasure-every good thing You send…”(From James 1:7) My running list of His One Thousand Gifts http://www.aholyexperience.com/ to me:
971. The complex cyst that was on my left ovary for years seems now gone for good (without surgery–hooray!) and although my endometrial lining is thicker than it should be, probably due to the hormone blocker, the recent biopsy was benign. The Tamoxafen that I am on to help prevent a reoccurence of breast cancer can CAUSE uterine cancer :(! and I am asking God to protect my uterus along with the rest of me. Thank You, Lord for a good report! I’d sure love to keep all my remaining innards and parts intact if possible. 🙂
972. My dear mother-in-law recovering well from her third right hip replacement surgery and a special time with her yesterday at the Rehab facility
973. The yummy fragrance of fresh pumpkin seeds roasting in the oven last night and the aroma of turkey in the oven today (even though I am a part vegan/part vegetarian and won’t have any, it does smell homey and good)
Nuggets remembered and gleaned and my heart convicted and challenged as I start to re-read “Created to be his Helpmeet” by Debi Pearl (quotes below are hers):
“Most people have practiced hitting the notes of bitterness, sourness, hurt feelings, and frustration so long that their soul finds the discordant notes easily, almost without thought. But you don’t have to keep on practicing discord: you can practice joy and thanksgiving just as easily, and certainly with more pleasure. Every day, every right response makes the fingers of your sould find the notes of joy and thanksgiving easier and easier.”
“I want you to know something wonderful about Jesus. With Him, it doesn’t matter where you have been or who you have been with, (or all the mess ups you’ve made–my add on) because His love and forgiveness can reach down and make you whole. He is willing to love you and make you His bride, just as you are. And He asks you to be a bride to your husband, just as he is.”
Joy figured out how to play it by ear on the piano: hers is my favorite rendition 🙂
976. Lovely time to chat and pray with Sonia on the phone
977. Quote by Lynn Eib in “He cares” NLT New Testament re: 1 John 4:18 “Perfect love casts out all fear”:
“Fear is a funny thing. Not “ha-ha” funny but pecular funny. You need a certain amount of it in order to live safely; but if you have too much of it, it paralyzes you from really living. The late psychiatrist M. Scott Peck had some great thoughts on the subject. He said, ‘The absence of fear is not courage: the absence of fear is some kind of brain damage. Courage is the capacity to go on in spite of the fear, or in spite of the pain.’
‘So how do we do that? Tell ourselves we’re really not afraid? Pretend that we have no fear? No, the apostle John…shows us a much better way. He writes that when we truly experience the love of God, His perfect love gets rid of all the fear. If you believe with your mind and your heart that God truly loves you, you will not fear today or tomorrow because everything that touches you first will be sifted through His loving Hands. “We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in His love” (1 John 4:16).
‘Is your back up against the wall? GOD loves you. Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? God LOVES you. Are your days numbered? God loves YOU. Trust in that love.”
978. I am thankful that God is teaching and training the fingers of my soul to learn to find new, sweet notes of joy and thanksgiving that have nothing to do with circumstance and emotion–that He has put a new song in my heart!