A rather sharp blonde enters the library……..walks straight up to the librarians desk.
She boldly asks for a cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke.
The librarian looks at her and says……”shhh, Ms….this is a library, not a diner”.
“Oh”…..says the Blonde as she whispers.”…so sorry …..I would like a cheeseburger,
fries and a Coke.”
I am thinking about getting back my biopsy report on my remaining right breast soon, most likely today.
That pathology report is probably going to be Jim-Dandy and A-OK. Probably, most likely, but not positively.
When I heard that there was a suspicious area in my right breast on the mammogram results last week, I thought, “Aww, c’mon! Can’t I at least have one breast that’s normal and stays with me, “as is” ? Haven’t I already gone through enough? I’ve already done all the stuff I didn’t want to do like the mastectomy, the chemo, the radiation, I’m taking the Herceptin for a year, and hormone blockers are awaiting me in January. I ended up doing everything I did not want to do. How I wish the nutritional approach would have worked to address all this but it didn’t. That was so sad and disappointing to me. Sometimes I feel like a ticking time bomb, waiting and wondering with uncertainty if I’m “fixed” yet, scared that the cancer is going to take over despite our best efforts, on edge. Sometimes it’s plain ole’ hard to be positive, even though I want to be.
I miss having a left breast. I miss the intact nerves and 11 lymph nodes in my left arm. I miss my energy and sense of well being. I miss sleeping well. I miss being pain free. I miss my hair and body before cancer; I think I’ve been grieving over the losses of this year. OK–I let go of every last one of these things I miss. God, I give You everything I miss and let go of it. It’s Yours. I’m Yours. While I’m letting go of stuff, I let go of all bitterness, resentment, self pity, being mad that this is happening to me, feeling like it is so unfair. I leave it all in Your hands. I am not my own, I belong to You.
#697 on my gratefulness list today is this:
Isaiah 26:3-4 “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee.Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord JEHOVAH is everlasting strength.”
WHAT kind of peace, Paula? PERFECT peace. Complete, absolute peace. God “guarding” the inclination of my mind with constant peace. God keeps people with their minds set on Him, secure and steady on their feet, even if bad things happen.
WHY perfect peace? Because of a mind is “stayed” on God, thoughts “fixed” on Him, leaning on Him, hoping confidently in Him, depending on Him, trusting Him no matter what.
WHY trust in the Lord and for how long? The reason why I can trust in Him FOREVER is because the Lord is everlasting strength, an everlasting Rock, the Rock of ages. In the Lord I have a sure thing. He never gets caught off guard like I do. He is completely trustworthy and knows what he is doing in my life and why He allows the things He does in my life. NO mistakes, nada, goose egg, zero “ooopsies” on God’s part. I mess up plenty but He never does. As I think about the character of God, I know this to be true. Trusting Him is a choice and that is what I choose.
698. From a missionary with liver cancer, fighting the Good Fight:
A lady in the Yembi Yembi tribe in PNG died. She was a believer. At her funeral, one of the brothers said this …
“Some of you have swallowed (believed) that our sister was killed by black magic, some of you have swallowed that her spirit is floating around the village (Yembi Yembi belief), but I say you have swallowed false talk. I stand on this book (Bible) and this book says that God marked her days and only he has the power to close fingers (end life).
YES–I “swallow”, as this tribal brother in the Lord and the missionary with liver cancer did too, that only God has the power to “close my fingers” (end my life on this earth) and bring me to Heaven. I don’t have to be afraid or worried about when or if cancer will kill me. I will do the best that I can with what I’ve got and leave the results to God. HE is the One who has numbered my days, not cancer.
699. He is God and I am not. Good thing, huh? :0)
700.Celebrating today with a date out to lunch with John after seeing my GYN doc- I’m done, done, done with radiation!
701. Joy starting to feel better and her progress finishing up Algebra
702. Jan sharing today’s blonde joke with me. She cracked me up the way she whispered the punch line. 🙂