I’ve had some busy last few days: three different medical appoinments on Monday then a visit with my radiologist Tuesday and I will go back there again later this week for more radiation preparation. I am now officially tattooed. Getting a tattoo has never been on my bucket list agenda, never had a yen for a fake butterfly or skull and cross bones on my back or to proclaim my love for John on my arm or elsewhere on my body (verbally is my preference). However, now I’ve got my very own 3 tiny- dot tattoos for radiation markers and I’ll be sporting some temporary waterproof markings later this week as well. The plan is that I will start Monday thru Friday radiation for 6 weeks beginning next week. I will be truthful, today I shed a couple tears RIGHT before the doctor entered the room, wouldn’tchaknow. I had just told John that, even though I wasn’t going to do it, I was “feeling” like running out of the building and never coming back. As I was walking over to the Kleenex box to wipe away the emotional overflow, the Dr opened the door. He saw my sad face, asked how I was doing and I said “Scared”…”But God is my Rock and will help me through”. It’s the truth. Oh, I hate having cancer! I hate what I am having to do to try and fix it! Oh, please help me through this, Lord!!!!!!! I make a lousy cancer patient and I can’t do this but YOU CAN. I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength.
I know radiation is MUCH easier than chemo but I don’t like any of these hoops I am jumping through. I have no idea if any of this is even helping or not. My greatest concern about radiation besides the damage that it does to healthy cells is that this left arm will get worse. One risk of radiation is lymphadema. My fear is that my arm will blow up real big or more pain will be added to my invisible tourniquet sensation. God will see me through whether it happens or not. I hereby put a stop to the worry. I wish it was that easy to decide to stop anxious thoughts. The best things is for me to put radiation and me and the cancer in God’s Hands, where I belong. OK Lord, I’ll trust You in this too, no matter what. Please help me to trust you and not be afraid…I’m still so afraid.
Could you guys please pray for an uneventful, successful radiation course of treatment for me and that I will be at complete peace, fully resting in and relying on God?? Hopefully I’ll breeze through with the biggest problem being just fatigue and a mild burn, if that– like many women, maybe most women, i dunno. One thing about spending a lot of time in medical waiting rooms and all-day chemo infusions is you get to chat with people that have a lot of things go wrong from these treatments like hospitalizations, infections, transfusions, need for hyperalimentation for nutrition because of a fried esophagus and damaged organs from radiation and such. I am thankful that things have gone as well as it has for me, even though it hasn’t been pleasant–things could be much, much harder than they are. Other than the arm deal, fatigue, and neuropathy symptoms from the chemo I’m feeling downright chipper and doing great! 🙂 I am trying to take excellent care of myself and although it does seem like my body is falling apart, I have been feeling much healthier the further away from chemo I get.
Lord, every single good gift comes from You…
372.God will guard me and keep me in perfect and constant peace as my mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on Him, because I commit himself to Him, lean on Him, and hope confidently in Him. (From Is 26:3)
373. Sufficient grace for each day and all that is ahead