I Surrender all


One of my new on-line friends, Kathy G. sent me these beautiful thoughts below that the Lord blessed her with during her time with Him.  Thanks for sharing, Kathy!




> “In the stillness, in the darkness – I bring you light.
> In the deepest sorrows which can only be expressed with moans and
> groanings – I bring you strength.
> In the falls  and stumbles of life – I bring you forgiveness.
> In tiredness when you feel you cannot go another step – I bring you rest.
> In the turmoil of daily living – I bring you peace.
> In the midst of illness and despair – I bring you health and hope.
> I am your all in all and I love you.
> Trust in Me and do not be afraid for I am with you. I watch over you as a
> Father watches over His child, for you are My child and are precious to
> me.
> Seek Me and I will show you Myself. I will let you find Me if you seek Me
> with all your heart.
> You are mine and I love you deeply, truly, with all that I am.  I love
> you”.








Lord, every good gift comes from You.

(From James 1:7)   One Thousand Gifts   http://www.aholyexperience.com/


228. This week I saw the most beautiful rainbow that I’ve ever seen as I walked along the lake.  It was a huge double one that was vibrant on the ends and pastel in the middle.  God might be allowing plenty of flooding and natural disaters around the world but the rainbow is a symbol of His promise that He won’t again flood the entire earth all at once.  Thank You, Lord!


229. The reminder from Kathy’s sweet time with Him that God brings light in the darkness, strength for deepest sorrow, forgiveness for every mess-up, rest when I feel like I can not go on, peace in turmoil,  and hope in the midst of despair.  I will trust His wisdom in the level of health He provides for me and every trial he allows




230. By His grace,  I will also rejoice in my sufferings, because I know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.   And hope does not disappoint me, because God has poured out his love into my heart by the Holy Spirit whom he has given me.” (Romans 5: 3-5).




231. Special prayer time with Cindy today and her notes that God used to bring to mind that He wants to purify, refine, and burn away the impurities in my life!  God wants to see his reflection in me!


  “Beloved Paula,  think it not strange concerning the fiery trial (or trial by fire) which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you.”  (1 Peter 4 :12) 


4. purosis (4451), akin to puroo, “to set on fire,” signifies (a) “a burning”; (b) “a refining,” metaphorically in 1 Pet. 4:12, “fiery trial,” or rather “trial by fire,” referring to the refining of gold (1:7). See burning.


 1 Peter 1:7  “That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ.’ 


Prayer requests:




— Chemo #5 out of 6 is on Monday 9/12.  The effects are cumulative and it has felt  harder each time afterwards so far.  Not to complain but I don’t particularly care for the entire treatment plan I am on (gross understatement). The truth is I hate it, hate it, hate it.  I find myself dreading the rest of the chemo and the road of radiation, etc ahead. God might use it to save my life though, as far as I can tell this is how He is leading me seeing as Plan A did not work to stop the cancer. I am trying really hard to have a good attitude and a grateful heart about the whole thing and not give in to complaining or self pity or being a grouchy grump.  I really do want Him to conform me to the image of His Son.  It’s easy to be sweet and happy and have a sun-shiney disposition when things are going well and it’s a major challenge that only God can work to make it GENUINE in my heart  when I feel exhausted and miserable or when things do not seem to be going well.  Please help me, Lord–please take over and be completely in charge of every aspect of my life…EVERYTHING!  Would YOU please help me to have a good attitude–“give up” in a good way (not defeated but surrendered to Him) and think Your thoughts and have Your perspective on this mess?


–I am having some neurological and other side effects from the cancer treatments.  I would really appreciate it if God would protect my healthy cells and obliterate the bad ones that have the propensity to multiply quickly and do major destruction. I pray for the oncologist and each doctor to have His wisdom in helping me.   My
husband often reminds me that this ALL is temporary, every bit of it! This is
not our Home!
–ongoing tourniquet sensation in my arm
–His will be done with this treatment, peace of heart for my family and I to
snuggle up in His love and rest and trust him completely
–That the Lord will take extra special care of John, Nicholas, Joy, and Hannah and I will leave each of them in His capable Hands


–an irritated, hurting tooth. I probably need a root canal said the dentist
this week (I never needed or had one before) .  I probably will get a root canal eventually unless it is cracked, even though it’s another one of “those things” I’ve done research on in the past and don’t consider a “healthy solution”.
It’s too dangerous/risky for me to get one in midst of treatment right now
because of my compromised immune system. I think this
medication might be hurting my teeth among other things. I usually have good,
strong teeth–but a filling crumbled a month ago and now weeks of not being
sure if it was a sinus problem or dental issue–saw dr and dentist a couple
times. This week became clear it’s my tooth…something else to take my mind off my arm I guess ;0
–I am hoping God is using the chemo and rest of what’s behind and ahead to
eliminate the cancer but that is up to Him to make this work or not work. He
didn’t choose to use all the natural measures I tried. I am doing all sorts of
measures with this cancer treatment that go against my natural, non toxic
mindset but am trying to let go of every single thing in full surrender to the
Lord. Only He can do anything about this and He can use anything He wants to.  So much seems utterly out of my contol now.  What I CAN control with his help and strength and enabling power is my attitude and my choice to trust Him no matter what, even if it turns out He answers my prayers for healing opposite of what I desire.
Today I am releasing and surrendering every cell of my body in a deeper way: the cancer, all my teeth, my arm, my neurological system, my heart and lungs and liver, my bones, my eyes which have been twitching a lot,  the right breast that I still have, my lymph nodes, my numb feet and toes, my fingers, my missing eyebrows and hair, my brain, the episodes of saliva escaping and drooling out my mouth, my stomach and digestion,  every organ, my sight and hearing and ability to speak and think clearly–the whole sha-bang.  When I was on the natural cancer treatment, I got slender again and after major detox which was not fun of course, I physically felt like I was back in my 20s but the cancer was growing. Now I feel ill and I am blowing up like a balloon and experiencing major body changes, none of them pretty.  The bottom line is this:  I’m ALL His.  I’ve been bought with a price and I am not my own.  I let go of every single thing including my hopes, dreams, and expectations and ask God to fill up every void, every need, every desire with Himself.




–prayer for my sister-in-law Kelley who was just diagnosed with breast cancer and is considering different treatment options


–prayer that I would get to tell lots of people how great God is, even when life is hard


–That I will take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and boot
every despairing, discouraged, negative thought OUT–these are a total waste of my time and energy (and God has much better for me!) but they keep creeping in and I want my mind just full of HIS thoughts. 🙂

—How we each need the Lord!!!!!! 




Come quickly, Lord Jesus! We are looking forward to Your return!  It could be any day, you guys. Won’t that be GRAND to be with Him forever?!!!!!!  It is right around the corner for every one of His children.

Gratefully His,


Lovely worship music and prayer:








2 thoughts on “I Surrender all

  1. Dearest Paula, You are on my heart and in my prayers all the time. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. I’m so very sorry to hear of your sister in law that now has breast cancer too. Praying for you both! Big hugs and lots of love!!


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