This pressure sensation of so much lymphatic fluid trapped in my arm, armpit, and parts of my side, back, and chest squeezing in on an arm that is hypersensitive to touch is pretty awful to tell you the truth. It feels like I am burned badly on the back and bottom of my upper left arm from nerves being cut I guess. The closest description I can think of how my arm feels pretty much constantly, starting about 2 1/2 weeks ago, is part tourniquet, part inflated BP cuff, and part baby boa constrictor pressing in between my arm pit and chest and wrapping once around my arm. Dear Lord, any chance you can please, please, please get rid of those for me?! Oh my–sure do hope these sensations are temporary, not permanent.
Last week I had two manual lymphatic drainage
treatments by an excellent lymphedema therapist with minimal relief and two
more are scheduled for this week. I sure am missing those 11 lymph nodes and intact, undisturbed nerves! In between appointments we are trying to
do the technique/massage a couple times a day the best we can. We are trying to re-route the fluid to other lymph nodes. I see the
surgeon again on Wednesday. I wonder how I possibly can face all that is ahead of me
with this pain on top of it. I must take one day at a time. Actually one moment at a time is enough.
This whole cancer thing is really hard. I wish this terrible nightmare that I can’t wake up from wasn’t happening to me but it is.
How I need God’s grace and help!
Will I walk by faith or by sight through this? I choose faith.
Will I walk in the Spirit or in the flesh? I choose to walk in the Spirit.
Will I trust in the Lord and not lean on my own understanding, even when so many things appear out of control and so awful? Yes, I will choose to trust Him. HE IS IN CONTROL.
Will I acknowledge Him in all my ways and follow His leading as He directs my paths? Yes, that is what I choose.
Can I do this in my own strength? Not on your life. God does not expect me to. He does not want me to. His strength and grace is MORE than sufficient, more than enough for me. Please, please help me Lord! I can not do this whole cancer thing but YOU CAN, LORD. Even though I am weak and afraid, IN CHRIST I am MORE than a conqueror. Please help me Father, please give me the strength I need. This pain is wearing me down Lord–would You mind bringing it down a few notches or better yet take it away completely? I would so appreciate it if you would remove the pain and while You are at it, can you get rid of all the cancer too? I keep asking–begging–pleading–imploring and so far Your answer seems to be either “No” or “Wait”. I wish Your answer was “Yes”. Please help me to trust You God and know that what You choose for me is for the best.
These are some things that I am reading/thinking about this morning:
1. “Wars are fought strategically. one battle at a time.
2 . Wars are fought on more than one front.
3. We must expect setbacks and defeats along the way.
4. When we lose a battle, we must get back on track immediately, so we don’t lose the war.
5. We will not win if we refuse to fight.”
Winston Churchill said:
“Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never-in nothing great or small, large or petty-never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy”
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness. So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so
that the power of Christ may dwell in me…for whenever I am weak,
then I am strong. 2 Cor 12: 9-10
And my God will fully satisfy every need of yours according to His
riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19
Wow, what a great promise!
Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that
we may receive mercy and find grace to help in our time of need.
Hebrews 4 :16
Because of Christ, I can come to His throne of grace with boldness, I
am His child. He has mercy and grace to help me in my times of need.
I have a lot of needs and He has all the answers.