Dear Father, please hold me very close in Your Arms

“Sometimes on the Rock I tremble
Weak of heart and faint of knee,
But the Steadfast Rock of Ages
Never trembles under me.”

“The will of God has taken me
where the grace of God can keep me,
where the arms of God can support me,
where the riches of God can supply my needs,
where the power of God can give me strength.
The will of God has taken me
where the Spirit of God can work through me,
where the wisdom of God can teach me,
where the arm of God can protect me,
where the hands of God can mold me.
The will of God has taken me
where the love of God can surround me,
where the mercies of God can sustain me,
where the peace of God can calm my fears,
where the authority of God can overrule for me.
The will of God has taken me
where the comfort of God can dry my tears,
where the Word of God can feed me,
where the miracles of God can be done for me,
where the omnipresence of God can find me.”

Is God bigger than the cancer in me and every single trial I will ever face?  Yes He is.  His plans and ways and will are absolutely perfect and, by God’s grace and help,  I am going to get my eyes off of my emotions and circumstances and rest in the fact that He is 100% trustworthy.   The truth of the Word will be my anchor in this storm.

Making this choice a  day at a time is too much right now.  I am going to try to work on the “moment by moment” plan instead.  When I slip and find my thoughts going in a wrong direction I must choose to think on the  Word and replace my thoughts with HIS TRUTH.

These are the verses that  I memorized in this past month and they have been a blessing for me to meditate on:

Psalm 18:1-6 (New International Version, ©2011)

 1 I love you, LORD, my strength.

 2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
   my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
   my shield[b] and the horn[c] of my salvation, my stronghold.

 3 I called to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
   and I have been saved from my enemies.
4 The cords of death entangled me;
   the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
5 The cords of the grave coiled around me;
   the snares of death confronted me. 6 In my distress I called to the LORD;
   I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
   my cry came before him, into his ears.

1 Cor 16:13, 14

13 Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.

14 Let all that you do be done with love.

This is the one I am working on now:

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (New King James Version)

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

This is my heart’s cry this morning:

Dear Father, please hold me close in Your Arms.  I want to snuggle up in your love and stay right there and never let go.  I am so weak and afraid.  I hardly know what to think or do.  The ship I was on was sinking, nearly submerged and so I jumped off.  I know most people would have rather died or done any manner of things than the Gerson Therapy I chose.  It was soooooooo hard, downright brutal at times but I needed to try it and I am still glad I did.  I had so hoped it would have worked and I gave it my very best despite how difficult it was.  It was a great disappointment to me that it was a tool that God did not choose to work but now it is time to move on to Plan B.  Truthfully I feel like I’m drowning since I got off the “sinking ship” but I don’t see any rescue in sight, just a pirate ship in the horizon carrying things I hate like a mastectomy, chemo, radiation, hormone blockers and other drugs, a slew toxic treatments. Are you leading me to that awful boat, Father and getting on board with me?  It seems so and I am so very scared. You have used those conventional treatments to help some other people, perhaps you will do the same for me or maybe You are leading me Home to Heaven.  YOU be my Lifeboat, Lord. I am going to cling to You for my safety. 

My soul, my soul wait thou only on God, for my expectation is found in Thee alone.  If the Lord wants the mastectomy and other measures to be effective in combatting the cancer, they will be effective. If not, then it looks like it’s Home Sweet Home for this child of His.   I can not extend my life here on earth one day beyond what God has ordained no matter what I do or do not do.  In December I thought I was healthy.  Life can change in one instant flat. It’s sure good to know just WHO is in charge!!!!!  My Great Physican is who I am going to put all my trust in, using the tools He chooses specifically for me, even if they seem horrible to me.

Please keep those prayers coming, everybody.  I sure need them as does my precious family.  Please pray most especially that I will bring Him honor and glory and praise through it all and that I will come forth like gold for Him.

Gratefully His,

God’s Beloved Paula

6 thoughts on “Dear Father, please hold me very close in Your Arms

  1. I know you can say you did your best with the alternative therapy.
    All of us pray for you. God bless and keep you!!!
    I can offer no advice, except to keep trusting God.

    Love you lots,

    Nancy Louise


  2. God’s word is so encouraging. It does for us what no one or no thing can ever do. Thank you for your trust which makes me lean on Him all the more.


  3. Paula, as usual your words of encouragement are Biblically right on. May God continue to bless you as you walk down this path. Blessing come out of difficulties and darkness. Your words are a blessing.

    God bless you greatly,



  4. Dear friends,
    Thanks for your encouragement. As I re-read this old post of mine from nearly a year ago just now that your replies pulled up, I wept through it, remembering how it felt like there was only a “pirate ship” in the distance that I could see from my sunken Gerson Therapy boat and how faithful Jesus, my “Lifeboat” has been to me through every bit of this raging storm of cancer and it’s treatment. What a great and mighty God we serve, who has bigger and better agendas for us than our mind’s eye can see…bigger than our personal comfort and health with ways and thoughts and perspectives so far beyond ours, it is mind boggling. Praising Him, Paula


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